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Parenting

Life’s a peach

29 January, 2015

Ah, summer on a farm in New Zealand is a bit flipping delicious. Some dear friends and my folks are over from London, which is completely AMAZING, and we are meant to be off camping with them but I am finding it hard to leave the farm. IMG_5826.JPGEveryday a new vegetable will burst out of the garden, and all the fruits are ripening by the minute. We have been crunching nectarines, apricots, peaches, plums, raspberries and strawberries. It has been pretty lovely watching these tiny little blossoms turn into juicy baubles of goodness before our very eyes.

We have a picking ladder that stretches about 10 foot into the air, above the trees, so you can harvest the ripest fruit along the canopy. Everytime I turn my back Juno has scarpered up it, sitting merrily at the top, clutching at an armful of apricots. One of my parenting philosophies is “A broken limb is better than a lifetime lived in fear” but seeing our baby perched up there sets even my heart on edge!

We’ve swum almost every day… we found a tiny corner of paradise just down the road form us. The river is clear and the sand is soft and you can dive into the depths from the shore. We make clay from the rocks and clean our hair and our faces… except the girls mostly just leave it on their hair and faces. They can’t help but be quite a lot like the Croods.

So life has been a bit of a beach… peach… peachy beach.

Hmm… actually…part from the week that we were setting up our new yurt. That was pretty tough. We had to give our old one back as it was borrowed, but we bought our own secondhand one. *proud yurt owners* But getting it up took a serious amount of sweat, help from friends, and, yes, slightly manic tears.IMG_5777.JPG

I am always struck by how, even when you are living the dream (such a cliche but it drips off my lips) melancholy and stress sometimes come along for the ride. They creep up, with the bold stealth of bullies. Unwelcome companions, but hard to shake.

IMG_5699.JPG

We watched the brilliant documentary Happy the other week- and we became determined to put more effort into the practices that lead to well being – such as mindfullness and connection- rather than simply resting on our laurels of living the dream. (Circumstances don’t count towards happiness half as much as daily rhythms and habits, we are learning.)

IMG_5524.JPG in fact, I might have some MASSIVE news in regard to all that very soon…. EEEEKKK! *secretive eyebrow waggle*

We should really go off in our bus and park up at a beach and see the sites while my mum and dad are here… but the sweetcorn will be ready next week…

PS If you are on Instagram come and say hello for more photos like these.

Parenting, writing, yurt life

Here’s to you

24 December, 2014

We are on a bit of a road trip, bussing down to spend Christmas with Tim’s family in the central North Island. We parked up for the night halfway and went for a bush walk. 45 minutes to the waterfall? Easy!

We’d been cooped up for hours, surviving on the Peter Rabbit audiotape and lollipops- a hike in the wild was just what we needed.

We crossed a rickety bridge over a river and into the dark of the native bush, I was ready to be swallowed up by its calm and was set on a shower under the waterfall.

And then…

Ramona wanted to swim every time we rounded a corner and came upon the river, joyous and tedious in equal measure.
Juno wanted to walk, her mighty little legs thumping out steps but slowing our pace to a shuffle.
All the leaves kept getting stuck in between Ramona’s sandle and shoe.
Juno wanted to breastfeed AND walk.
A mist of mozzies followed us.
The shelter of the manuka trees couldn’t cut through the muggy heat.
The halterneck of my swimming cozzy stabbed into me and I imagined my bra, discarded on the seat of the bus, and I longed for it.

We veered, irascible, through the forest, anywhere but present. We stumbled for an hour and a half… And then we got to a sign saying “WATERFALL 25 MIN>>>”

We weren’t even half way. Not halfway!

It was actually comical, so we laughed, and our laughter saved the day.

We gave up on the waterfall and looked about us. We were inches deep in massive fallen fern leaves, each one the brightest gold, as if a hooligan had stalked into the forest with a can of metallic spray paint and covered each one, in a spirit of festivity.

We found a mini waterfall, not THE waterfall, but perfect for tiny clamberers, puddles pouring from one into the other. And a big angled rock, ideal to lean on and search for patches of blue sky through the forest canopy.

We were probably only a mile away from our bus but it was a remote, tropical place of rest for us, a snatched meditation before the crazy of a big family Christmas.

And happiness filled all our bellies.

~

I want to say an enormous big thank you for reading and sharing my blog. It is such a pleasure for me to write and I am grateful that there are people who read my words. Despite not having internet at our yurt (did I mention that? Hehe) this has been a massive year for Lulastic and the Hippyshake and I am quite blown way by it all.

Here’s to you.

I hope that you find a glade by clear waters to rest in, that you walk on steady feet as you find your path – sometimes with wilderness on your left and a cliff on your right. (Here’s to deliberate, intentional living, eh?)

May any hurt and pain you are carrying fade away, like leaving behind the cloud of stinging insects, until you come to the wide open sky of forgiveness.

May you know freedom from whatever oppression or oppressive thoughts you feel, freedom that feels like taking off all your clothes and swimming butt naked in a cool bend of a clear river. (And here’s to some actual skinny dipping too.)

I hope you can find joy and contentment, even though you might not ever, ever arrive at the waterfall. (And here’s to presence, really just being present.)

May you see the gold in the dead foliage and feel happy in your bowels.

And may your bra be ever comfy.

Parenting

5 Steps to Help Children Say Goodbye During Holiday Visits or Whilst Travelling

22 December, 2014

When my sister and I were younger when it came to say farewell, or good night or even just See You In Five we used to give a full rendition of “So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye!” from the Sound of Music. Like, the whole song. Including bobbing up and down and running around the back of each other to pop out. I imagine it probably got a tiny bit tiresome.

Obviously, we had found a way, a slightly precocious way, of dealing with Goodbyes.

People often ask us how all the travelling we have done over the 18 months (from London to Europe and then on to NZ) has gone with Ramona. And my reply is that mostly it has been absolutely awesome, but that the constant Goodbyes have been really hard on her. To the extent that now, when it comes to say goodbye even to the boys that we share land with, who she spends all day with and can see at any point in about three seconds, she hates it. It is an ordeal. I think it is because for so long “Good Bye” was a pretty permanent thing.

When we met the Us in a Bus folk (remember that brilliant bus family?) I found that they had really invested in helping their children say goodbye, and it had really paid off for them.

Over Christmas so many of us are travelling to and from from family and friends and long lost Aunties and precious cousins and it can be so tough. I feel like they have some perfect advice here to make it all that much healthier. Over to them:Help your children say goodbye

We The Frasers; Mum, Dad and four boys aged 2-9yrs, have been on the road fulltime in New Zealand for the past year and have been engaging in many meet & greets, and goodbyes. Over this time we have had plenty of opportunity to practice and refine our family culture with goodbyes. We are sharing our found wisdom with the hope that it will assist others in their family connections, cohesiveness and ability to travel the world with happy children whether it be for a short term holiday or a long term lifestyle. We invite you to join in on our adventures on the road at usinabus.nz or Instagram.com/usinabus

It can be tough to say goodbye, incredibly tough. Not just the day to day goodbyes, or the result of death or dying but rather when leaving behind family, friends and special people because we are moving on, travelling, or going on/ending a holiday. It is so tough in fact that some of us find we are really bad at doing it; we string them out, (think: our own teenage phone conversations ‘you hang up , no you hang up , no you hang up….) we rush, (hurry up, we’re leaving!), we avoid (well it’s easier that way right?) and many other, not so healthy, habits. It can be a lost priority when it comes to thinking about how to enable our children to have a healthy relationship with goodbyes to friends and family as we are surrounded by so many other important decisions to be made, the best times to travel, who will feed the cat, how to fit all the gear in the car, and so on.
We may pay a moment’s attention to it thinking we have it covered, but then it’s not until we notice our child displaying signs of distress that it dawns on us the constant transitioning is having an impact. Or alternatively, we may not even embark on our travels because we worry about this situation too much and don’t feel equipped to handle it. Goodbyes are one of life’s inevitabilities and perhaps we adopt one of the above approaches to cope with it for ourselves but, how do we as parents assist our children through this process and help them to develop healthy habits of saying goodbye?

The whole family needs to be able to acknowledge, anticipate and participate in a methodology that will meet everybody’s needs. Incoporating the following five steps into our travel routines will create a family culture of healthy goodbyes, ultimately resulting in happier children, healthier relationships and easier transitions.

Step 1 – Discover, admit and become at ease with (or prepared to work on) our own style of saying goodbye as the Parent.
It is often not too hard to see where our own patterns of behaviour come from when we look at the wider family culture that we have grown up in. We need to think for a moment of how our family ‘did’ goodbyes? The long drawn out emotional clingy types? Or, the gruff, grunt, pat on the shoulder types? Or, perhaps something in between? Whatever it was, how we manage our goodbye rituals with others is the likely way our children will do theirs.

They are our best mirrors.
Helping your children say goodbye
The old “do as I say not as I do” saying doesn’t tend to work too well with this ritual. Children are very, very, good at seeing through our facades and will have no qualms about calling us out on it. We are their models and given that our ultimate outcome is to have happy settled children it is in our best interests to first work on ourselves and our own unmet needs. If we know we have unhealthy ways of saying goodbye it is important to be brave and confront these first. By being able to reflect, seek help and change ourselves and become comfortable about how we do our own goodbye ritual we are then more likely to be able to admit and share our vulnerabilities (in a way that is not over burdensome) with our children. All the other steps then flow from this basis of trust.

Step 2 – Preparing our Children for the Approaching Change.
Some children need days to prepare for change/transitions and goodbyes, others only need 5 minutes. It is about really knowing our children and not being afraid to talk with them, observe them, then experiment with different tactics and if one doesn’t work, admit it, not be too tough on ourselves; trying is the main thing, reflect on it and then try a different one next time.
For children, as is for adults, there is not a one size fits all way to prepare them and meet their needs when it comes to saying goodbye. In our family our 3 eldest sons have 3 very different personalities and ways of dealing with goodbyes.

One is an external processor, ‘wears his heart on his sleeve’ (likes to work things out by talking, lets us know all he is thinking and feeling), is quick to decide but then slow to integrate and engage into a new situation. This child does not need much preparation for the goodbye, but does need a lot of time reflecting, discussing and processing once the goodbyes have happened.
Another is also an external processor, but is very slow to decide and does not like surprises. But, once he has decided, he is quick to engage and integrate into a new situation. He also highly values loyalty. He requires a large amount of time to prepare for the goodbyes that are coming up; plenty of time to discuss, think through and question prior to the goodbye and a lot of security around knowing how the relationship will be continued once the goodbye has happened. Anything less is considered a violation of trust, and a breach of loyalty, to him.

The next child is an internal processor (it is easy to miss what he really thinks or feels as he is easy-going also), but not given the right amount of information or time he will turn into a little pressure cooker that eventually explodes. He requires quality, rather than quantity, time spent with him preparing for the goodbyes. Time where the goodbyes are properly explained, the future plans spelled out using visual props such as maps, and the chance given to reflect on this and then ask any questions. If done right he requires little follow up other than the occasional revisit of memories.

Because of these personality and value differences, how we respond as parents and meet each of their needs with learning to say goodbye, is different for each one. It can be difficult to identify these things, and for us, has come with trial, much error and time. And we still get it wrong often, when we rush, get lazy, or forget. But the consequences of doing so pulls us up quick and thrusts us back into better habits!

Having worked out our own needs in Step 1 as parents, we are then required to be respectful of our children’s needs and differences, in order to be able to respond to them in a meaningful way. Once we have identified these needs in our children we have a much better chance of then going on to create a successful ritual around doing the actual goodbye.

Having the correct language to use for the goodbyes can be part of the ritual. It can be easy for us to assume that our children know what to say but often they don’t and it can be helpful to offer them alternatives and a chance to practise these in a safe situation as preparation.

Step 3 – Establishing follow up
Pausing for a moment and taking a longer term view of how the relationship is going to be maintained in the future prior to the goodbye can be essential. It can be beneficial to be very proactive in this step ensuring it is done prior to the actual goodbye for two main reasons. One, it is easy to forget to do amongst the flurry of goodbyes and future planning. And two, it provides an anchor, assistance and assurance in the goodbye ritual i.e. “we have got your email so we’ll definitely be in touch”.

For some people, especially those with strong values of loyalty, like one of our sons, it is vital to provide practical measures and assurance of follow up. This can be done by;
• Talking about possible times and places we will reunite with one another (they can be hypothetical as even this can be better than nothing for some children).
• Discussing ways to keep in touch, with our child present.
• Writing down details, mark on calendars,
• Wherever possible giving tangible children friendly timeframes i.e. “x number of sleeps until you can Skype each other.”
• Swapping emails, phone numbers, addresses, social media names.

If the relationship is important to our child we will need to work hard to find a way to keep it alive. This may seem difficult amongst all the changes being experienced as a family but it can be hugely beneficial to the level of engagement and enjoyment our child will have in the ongoing travel experiences.

Step 4 – Initiating a Ritual around Participating in the Goodbye.
Being connected with others is our fundamental drive as humans, and as children we have a fundamental need for connection with our parents; to feel in all ways safe and supported. When this ever evolving connection is strong, gently responded to, and actively sought out, we can blossom as our authentic selves.

The ultimate goal with creating ritual around doing the goodbye is to allow our child the chance to shift the focus of a connection from those that they are saying goodbye to, back to their connection with us as their parent. While the child is making and playing with a new friend all day their connection temporarily focuses on that relationship. But when that friendship is ended with goodbyes, if a connection is not sufficiently refocused back to the child-parent relationship it can be left floundering causing disconnection; a pining for that fulfilment. As well as the usual tools for transition such as giving time countdowns, pre-warnings etc. there are further very practical and simple ways to create ritual around shifting the focus of connection when saying goodbye that will allow smooth transition and stronger relationships. These include:

• Taking at least 5 minutes, before we need to say goodbye to those we are with, and spending it directly interacting with our child; including eye contact, gentle voice, & purposeful close contact. It is a chance to get alongside, and start the reconnection process. Perhaps read a story together, or just sit and have a cuddle and/or a chat, discussing with them and their friend their favourite things allowing the conversation to be real.
• From here we can implement any number of tactics that are appropriate to us and our child, perhaps:
– do a round robin of telling a story of the goodbye and what each person is going to do when the other leaves, keeping it light hearted and fun.
– sing a silly made up goodbye song to everything as we wander around the area our child has been playing; each room, each animal, each person.
– allow our child to draw a picture of saying goodbye
– take a photo or short video.
Then by asking our child if they are ready to leave we are giving them a chance to equalise some power over an otherwise tough situation. If they are not then we tell them we are willing to wait with them, asking what it is they need to do to make them ready. Provided we have articulated the plans and our own needs clearly enough i.e. we need to be here by this time and I’m getting worried we will miss the plane”, and we have invested in the reconnection process, we most likely will be pleasantly surprised how the child will generally always be willing to support the need to leave at that point. The key to this tactic being successful is being prepared and allowing sufficient time. Start the process with this step in mind and plan time accordingly.

Once we feel our child has begun to make that transition back to being connected with us, we can give them the language needed to say goodbye as discussed with them in Step 2 so they have it ready for the moment.

• Things such as; goodbye I will miss you, I had a really great time, I’m sad to go and I’ll miss you, see you later, see you next time, bye, thanks for having us, see you on the other side, I can’t wait until we meet again etc. whatever is appropriate to that situation.
Then allow them to give the appropriate farewell gesture to which they feel comfortable:
• Perhaps it is a wave
• A high five
• A hug.

Just be sure to make it is something they are comfortable with and consent to freely. Respect and protect – it is horrible for a child to be forced to give someone a hug when a wave is all they wanted, just as it is for an adult.

Then leave, don’t delay or stand around talking more, or start packing the car, whatever excuse. Instead actually, physically, leave. It is difficult for a child (and ourselves!) to go through the routine of saying goodbye the first time only to have to repeat it all again in an hour’s time because the ‘adults’ didn’t stop talking!

The key is support, support, support. And we can expect emotion. This energy in motion can be normal and healthy. Trusting our intuition is vital on this as we will know if it is disproportionate to the situation and thus need further help from a professional or not. It can look like dramatic tears to total ambivalence depending on the child’s age and temperament. It is all just emotion. We shouldn’t shut it down, instead gently validate it, (‘I can see you’re really sad you have to leave? It can be really hard to leave when you have been having fun”). And why not validate our own emotion while we are at it, no harm in giving ourselves a break while we’re on a roll!

Step 5 – Time and Space to Think and Reminisce
As we begin to regroup and reconnect as a family after we have said our goodbyes and left, we need to be prepared to allow our children time to adjust. It can take time to move back into the rhythm of family life again. Talk about it, acknowledge it, and validate it. Allow our children the chance to process it all.
Practical things we can do to assist this time include:
• Provide hope for the future and reminders of follow up
• Discuss funny moments, favourite times and worst times they had together.
• Make a photo scrapbook and read it together
• Allow them to flick through digital photos/ videos,
• Follow through on promised follow ups, keep them regular and planned where possible
• Acknowledge the person they said goodbye to through activities such as;
– lighting a candle
– mentioning them in a time of gratitude or prayer
– telling a story…’remember the time when”
We may need to do these things 10x a day for the next 100+ days or we may need to do them only once ever. Each child will be different, take their lead, we need to be attuned to this and attempt to be patient with them and ourselves.

Summary
It may feel that the steps described require too much time and effort, particularly when we have so many other things to juggle, particularly if travelling, such as; packing, transport, bookings etc. But, by understanding the 5 steps and applying and practising them as appropriate to our children’s maturity and abilities it is possible to integrate them into becoming a regular practice and natural family culture that will save us time in the long run.
From personal experience and the observation of others, it seems in the West that we don’t take a lot of time to acknowledge the needs of children particularly when it comes to goodbyes and this can be hugely detrimental to the connection we need to maintain with our children, especially in times of strain that can be prevalent when travelling.
Children can experience compounding disconnections and a significant sense of powerlessness when we adults make all the decisions related to where we go, how long we stay and when and who we say goodbye to. It is often in response to this disconnection and powerlessness, which at a critical moment such as needing to board a plane, they decide to burst open their justifiable pent up frustrations and fears. Had we taken the chance to properly prepare them and implement the strategies available to us, prior to this spectacular display of raw emotion, it may have saved us a load of grief not to mention time and frustration.
By being prepared to work on our own practises of saying goodbye we are better positioned to assist our children through theirs, and together create a way forward that meets all our needs and provides an enjoyable & sustainable travelling experience.

Parenting

Stuck in a Parenting Rut? 40 Unconventional Tips for Finding Your Mojo

25 November, 2014

We woke up grumpy yesterday. Not just on the wrong side of the bed, but the wrong side of the stratosphere. Ramona was snapping at me, I couldn’t appease her. I was getting impatient, Juno was clinging to my knees like moss on a log.

I plonked on the sofa and looked at the clock. 8.05 A.M. EIGHT OH FIVE AM?!? Give me strength.

“Shiver my timbers, children o mine. We are grumpy. Can you think of anything we can do to shake these blues away?” Without even a moment’s pause Ramona said “Have a bath, put my pyjamas on and bake chocolate biscuits.”

So, that is what we did. (Well, we tried to make biscuits but we got all maverick, slopping in some milk, and then it turned into a cake which meant we then made butter icing and shook sprinkles all over and then we sat down and ate the whole thing ourselves. It was decadent and perfect.)

And that good mood has lasted us a solid 24 hours.

It was however, the first time Ramona has been able to identify and articulate her own fug remedy. And I’m definitely crap at soothing myself out of a mood. It made me want to make a list of all the potential mood lifters for families who encounter that stuck in a rut syndrome. (A list! Yes, a list will solve everything!)

It goes without saying, that the first steps for cranky kids and cross parents is validation. Everyone needs to know it is okay to be angry, grumpy, sad or to have rubbish days. Children need to hear that their big feelings are accepted and that there is room for their bad selves. That is unconditional parenting.

But when bad moods are due to disconnection, or getting in a cycle of bad communication, or simply feeling stuck in a rut as a parent, there are some things that we can do in order to get through it, to reconnect, to laugh our socks off and feel at peace again.

So, with the help of marvellous Lulastic readers on Facebook (come and say hello), here are FORTY ways to re-connect, shake the grumps, and start having fun.

Forty ways to find your parenting mojo again

Madness
We have always relied on a little bit of the ludicrous to break a bad mood.

1 Dance. We will stick on the loudest, bassiest, most fun music we can find (actually, we have a playlist for it- Grumps Begone) and then we just GET DOWN. Reader, Lorella says these mini discos always start with this favourite song.

2 Facepaint. A new face, a new mood. I have a whole bunch of face painted faces in an album on my iPad and we chose one of those and rock our animal selves for a while. It normally ends in Ramona painting my face in her signature style- red all over.

3 Fancy Dress. We all tumble into the dress ups and become flamboyant mermaid ninjas.

4 Pots and Pans. LOUD NOISES. We bang and crash them and and chant and shout a sing and let it all out in a rhythmic way.

5 Roar. A reader explains that they let it all out with a lion roar. I very much like that sense that our bodies can perfectly capture our feelings- if we are feeling fierce we can BE FIERCE.

6 Epic den. In your lounge, as big as you can make it. The perfect spot to sit out chicken pox. See Tinker Studio for diy teepee inspo.

forty ways to reconnect with your children

7 Pulling faces. Bex and Missie Lizzie both rely on face pulling contests. It is silly and fun and will end in giggles, but perhaps more importantly it involves eye contact- one of the fundamentals for reconnecting.

The great outdoors
The outdoors, isn’t it great? It is the one stop shop for the irascible. Readers share about the almost immediate impact of soaking in Vitamin D on moods.

8 Find a spot of grass, your lawn or a patch of park, throw down a thick rug and lie on your backs and watch the clouds. Spot the dragons and alligators and candy floss. (That last one is WELL EASY.)

9 Pack a picnic and eat outside. On your balcony, at the beach. A picnic, for us, involves no caramelised onion tarte- but a can of sweet corn and a can of tuna, and crisps with which to shovel them in.

10 Find a place to run and race and leap about. After running races we can usually be found collapsed in a heap of giggles. Mary says “Sometimes you just the grumps! And kids need to understand that people have mood changes, bad days, sad days etc and that its ok to feel that way. Love support and time and then an epic round of puddle jumping and tree climbing followed by lots of hugs.”

11 Follow My Leader is also a temper shifter- and particularly ideal if a child’s anger comes as a result of feeling powerless.

12 Teddy Bear’s Picnic… All the cuddly toys shoved in an ikea basket, plus a packet of hobnobs. A tree to sit under= winner.

13 Barefoot babies. Whatever the season, shake off those shoes and socks and connect with the earth beneath your feet. Sarah says “We go outside and walk barefoot on the grass – grab some of that great earth energy!”

14 Go to your local beach, woodland or river, whatever the weather. Victoria says “We did it a couple of weekends ago in the rain and sat on a grey pebble beach having hot soup out of a thermos & eating cheese & tomato sandwiches…”

Water
A wise old sage once said “Cranky kids need to get in the water”. Find a way…

15 Bath. You have to turn the taps on, and then help your child in the water and stuff. (Hehe. It is so easy, but it is our absolute first resort.) Crank the connection up by getting in yourself and washing each other’s hair.

16 A colourful bath. Depending on the depth of the bad mood, you may need more help. We stick a few drops of food colouring in to make it extra awesome. (Um, in case you are wondering, and you don’t have food colouring on hand, sliced up beetroot also works a treat…)

17 Bath paints. They are crazily simple but combine the pleasures of being in water with being messy and creating something. Recipe here.

18 Pool. If you aren’t the irritable one than consider a swim at the pool. If you ARE the irritable one STAY AWAY. Those tangled cossies, sweaty legs, pubes stuck to your feet will be way, waaaay too much.

19 Water play. Perhaps you need five minutes to hide in a room and east your secret stash of maltesers. Get out the pots and pans again, several towels, and let your kids have a riot on the lino. Thalia says “Outside water play. ‘Go and get drenched. Sure you can take your soft toys…’

Eat

Speaking of secret stashes… Kids need to know that comfort can be found in eating. Ha, I jest. Sort of. Hey, no disorder is going to come of pulling out the pizzas at times of immovable grizzliness. (Don’t quote me on that.)

Anyway, anyway…. LOOK, PIZZA!!!

20 We have saved the day with DIY pizza. I don’t know what it is about it, but my children absolutely love the awesomeness of designing their own dinner. (Which we have sometimes eaten at 3pm.) Ramona’s speciality is with sprinkles of popcorn.

21 Get an ice cream. This is probably our second resort… It involves a famous chain that prey on the whole word with their scary clown man and addictive sugary substances with extra msg…. One I avoided for TWO DECADES. Then I had kids and realised that their ice creams cost 30p and if you go through the drive thru YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE CAR. OR, THEREFORE, YOUR PYJAMAS. 60p buys both my children so much happiness- I actually feel like it is US exploiting THEM.

22 Chocolate cake! Or biscuits. (Whatever.) Eating something so rich, on the best china has an opulence that feels like a snatched magic moment. (*Maggggic moooooments….*)

23 A chocolate platter. Bring it all out man. Come on…Help the kids think that they have struck gold. You will love it too, and that is partly what the list is for. Finding things that will lift the mood of everyone. It’s legit, anyway. There is Valium in chocolate… I mean endorphins…. Or oxytocin…. Or something….

Make a plan

If you are lucky you might also have time to execute it….

24 We have planned lantern works for the evening…. We made lanterns and then went for the most basic little stroll carrying our lanterns as soon as dusk settled.

25 We have planned movie nights, with tickets and bags of popcorn.

26 We have planned, and done, treasure hunts. For preschoolers, they actually enjoy the planning as much as the hunt. Ruth says “Sometimes I’ll make up a treasure hunt and leave clues around the house.”

27 We have planned camping trips… Making lists (they fix everything) of what we will do and what we will need to take.

It is about dreaming… Of thinking of another day, a different day.

Get your needs met

If you, as the parent, are not coping, do something immediately that will give you hope.

28 Phone a friend. Share your sadness but move on to happiness. Discuss your real feelings, but take a moment to remember some things you have to be thankful for.

29 Dream of sea wind. Plan a trip for your own mental health. Perhaps you all need to get away for one night in order to feel the sea wind in your hair.

30 Book it an afternoon in. Email your other half and discuss an afternoon in the next week that you are going to book in in order to go solo to the cinema.

31 Swap your kids. Call your friend and organise a child swap for the very next day… You have two kids while the other rests and then swap.

32 Start a jar of awesome. My friend was telling me about her friend (it sounds like an urban legend, but I’m sure it’s true) who has a jar of awesome. Every single day she puts something in there, either a little note of something she is thankful for or a trinket to remind her of something special. And then whenever she feels blue she raids the jar, for something to give her the warm fuzzies.

Stop

33 Cancel. Can you cancel the appointment, quit any agenda? Swap the dentist for a trip to the beach. Sometimes these decisions feel irresponsible… But they can be the key to happiness.

34 Hands Free. Adele says “Recently what’s helped is me forcing myself not to look at the phone or computer for the whole day or at least most of it. I’ve realised that my being distracted makes us ALL grumpy.” THIS. SO MUCH!

35 Quit the now, for a few moments. I love this one from Becca “Looking at baby photos with them. Remembering that innocence and vulnerability – that we are the caretakers of (hard to remember at times of extremis.)

36 Stop hanging out together. Ha. You know, as much as possible. Adrienne says “Making ‘cubbies’ out of overturned chairs, blankets, under beds or tables, wherever. Separate cubbies for each child (and even for mummy) if we’re all getting scratchy. I realised when my children were quite young that they are all introverted and time alone is really important for each of them. I tried to help them identify their feelings when they were overwhelmed by too much people – and I would ask them ‘do you need some time by yourself?’ NOT as a punishment but as an option for them to choose.”

Emergency Supplies

Sometimes, if we are on our way home and the girls and I are cranky pants I will pray that there is a package from my family awaiting us. Well… Better than God, or my family:

37 Secret Parcel. The next time you find something awesome in a charity shop, be it a box of fuzzy felts or a puzzle. Squirrel it away on top of the wardrobe for when you need a trick.

38 Unknown craft materials. A tiny packet of new modelling clay, a new stamp, some stickers. Something small and as yet destroyed turned into art will give you a breather and your children some fun.

39 Unseen fancy dress. Again, it is all about the stealth supply. The next time you see a flouncy dress in a charity shop, tuck it away and pull it out when you are down in the dumps.

40 ideas for reconnecting with your children

40 The parent’s stuff. Oh yes, I have been known to willingly hand down to my 18 month old an entire bits and bobs draw so that I can cook dinner. Some people call these “treasure baskets“… I call it “the things I don’t have a home for draw”- key rings, touristy fridge magnets (things usually sent in a parcel from my family), the camera case, a lighter… (Jokes.) You get the idea. Grown up stuff… They love it.

BONUS FEATURE!!!

The Four Healing Salves

I heard today of this ancient shamanic concept and feel it is a perfect one to remember, particularly for those of us for whom these bad days happen all too often. I hope it isn’t cultural appropriation to share it with you.

There are four activities that, if we can incorporate them into our weekly rhythm will keep us whole. I see that nearly all of them are present in the above list in some way, so they have a beautiful restorative impact too.

Singing. Be it listening to music, or belting out anthems on our way to work, singing releases all sorts of goodness for our soul.

Movement. Busting the moves, jiggling at the lights, yoga or sports.

Story. Being enthralled in the magic of a story, phoning our friends simply to share stories, catching up with people.

Silence. Sitting on the beach with the whisper of the wind, twenty minutes of meditation, stilling our minds as we cuddle our children to sleep.

How are you doing with those? I see these salves as an invitation to self care, to meet the needs of my own soul so that the next day I can get covered in facepaint whilst dancing to the Monkey song and stuffing cake in my gob at a Teddy Bear’s picnic on the beach.

I really believe that we don’t have to get stuck in a rut – that we all have the power to change things. I reckon these ideas could help break the cycle of disconnect, get you all laughing and rocking your awesome parenting mojo again.

Do any of these work a treat for your family? Do you have any other suggestions? As always,I looooove to hear from you…

Featured, Parenting

Living the dream- two parents, four boys, one bus and the whole of New Zealand for the rest of their lives

6 November, 2014

We are hitchhiking on someone else’s dream at the moment. Friends we met at the very start of this year, when we were just a few weeks on this fair New Zealand soil, at the unschooling retreat in Foxton. (Going to that retreat was one of the best things we could have done, arriving new here. We made so many fast friends and felt like part of an instant tribe. We held the third unschooling retreat just down the road from our yurt last weekend- 120 unschoolers in the mountains…. Awesomeness.)

Anyway, just one of these families happened to be travelling around the country in a bus. Kind of like us at the time, but with double the children and with indefinite travelling plans, where as we were basically on a hunt for a spot to furrow down our wandering roots.

We kept connecting with Us In A Bus (it’s not actually their surname but you wouldn’t know it to hear us refer to them) through the year and on Monday we began a little holiday with them, our buses united on the road once again.

IMG_1258.JPGWe are having a bit of a lush time … Totally buzzing out on their nomadic lifestyle. It is helping us recall our hoon around Europe last year (I’m remembering swimming in lakes beneath beautiful sunsets and Tim is remembering banging his head a lot and not having anywhere to do a poo.)

I love Ange and Hamish’s dream, I am totally loving sneaking in with it for a bit. It is a dream fuelled by Lego, sand castles and espresso.

They had safe jobs, a house in a nice town, four happy boys. And then they bought a bus, and began roaming NZ, playing and learning together. Soon they discovered they loved it and sold their house, establishing the bus and the road as their only home. And now they are all happy.

Ange was explaining this morning the rut she felt stuck in before. Tied to a mortgage, no time for fulfilment.

It was when their youngest child was one, after a bout of health issues, that Ange realised that the isolation she felt was having a serious impact on her sanity. They realised that something had to change, if not everything. At that moment they began planning a path out. It took them a year but now they have the life Ange has always imagined was possible for them.

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Hamish, Ange, Will, Ethan, Micah and Arlo in a gondola (the word gondola totally cracks me up. Maybe because it reminds me of the word gonads.)

Ange describes wanting a community to bring their kids up with, and somehow, through the freedom of life on the road, they are discovering this. Communing with families all over the country.

They have found places to stay through online networks (like home education Facebook groups) and friends of friends of friends. Sometimes staying a night, sometimes two months if everyone is enjoying themselves.
They’ve had hitch hikers having a sleepover in their (tiny) lounge and have rolled out an extra bed for a visit from Nana.

The boys build stuff and play board games and draw and read and climb and dig and explore, Ange and Hamish taking it in turns to either play or work, running their online businesses with their excellent mobile internet and solar power.

Ange is the driver of their eleven metre beast, wrapping it around some of New Zealand’s gnarliest bends, and Hamish is in charge of meals with each boy choosing a favourite dinner to eat once a week.

In some ways their life is like every other large family’s- they eat around 5:30 each night, time is spent helping the boys navigate tussles, there can never be too many stories read to them, or enough biscuits.

But in other ways it is completely and utterly different. They are free to go wherever they want, they are together all day and all night, they learn from whatever it is they happen to be experiencing.

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Last night we parked up on a magnificent beach, putting our buses nose to nose. Right now I am typing this up, looking at the rain thrashing the window and the sun trying to zap the ocean but failing.

The school bus has just driven into the bay, tooting it’s horn frantically, as if trying to round us all up.

But the classroom isn’t for these boys. They are too busy playing for that…

It isn’t everyone’s dream- it is theirs and they have found a way to live it.

And for a little bit, we are living it with them.

Well… drinking their coffee and using their whizzy internet, at least.

Ps You can virtually hitchhike with them via their Us In A Bus blog and their Us In A Bus Instagram and their Facebook.

Attachment parenting, Breastfeeding, Featured, Parenting

Until they are done (Breastfeeding a four year old & an 18 month old)

30 October, 2014

Ah, breastfeeding. Just me and my little one… and my big one… and a small pink babushka doll… half a chewed orange… an awkward pair of fairy wings… and a small bunch of wild flowers.

I never expected such a crowd.

Yet here we are!

*smiles brightly*

It’s not often we all squeeze up together like this. Early on in my tandem breastfeeding experience I decided that three of us at once was too tricky for me to handle. (In one sense “tandem” is a good word- it brings to mind the gargantuan effort of tandem parachuting – a wild enough thing without another person tangled around you. But in another sense, it doesn’t quite do, as there are more than two involved. There are three of us trying to get our heads/ lips around this. I think “triptych breastfeeding” better captures the ungainly mechanisms of it all!)

Natural Term Breastfeeding Extended Tandem

Natural Term Breastfeeding Extended Tandem

18 month old Juno is in the stage of breastfeeding that makes me think that the whole “grass is greener” part of human nature begins early. She takes a few gulps on one side, then pats the other as if to test the waters, then moves over to the other one.
She isn’t quite at the inanimate objects sharing her milk stage (that began with Ramona at two, nursing a micromachine…) but she will often bring some kind of contribution. The marmite toast she is halfway through or a bit of lego she can’t leave behind.
Juno is restless… always on the go, climbing and discovering… when she snuggles in for Mummy Milk it is one of the few moments of stillness in her day. Her eyes flicker vacantly at the sky or our ceiling, I can almost see her processing all that has gone before. I watch her watching her own little show reel. And then the eye lids droop and sleep stills her body.

Ramona will be four in two weeks… and as we approach her birthday I wonder if we are approaching her weaning. Some weeks she doesn’t have a drop of my milk. Most nights she will fall asleep during a story, or just snuggled against my side while I give Juno milk. I guess we have been on the world’s slowest weaning journey over the last year… creeping down at Ramona’s pace, soon to be done.

When I bring the topic up she vehemently declares she isn’t finished with it… “I’m going to have Mummy Milk ‘till I am FIFTEEN!” (Ah.. . the internet’s worst nightmare.) She still sees breastfeeding as her greatest comfort.

People say that mothers breastfeed for a long time for their own sakes… because they can’t let go of their children. You only need to breastfeed through a pregnancy to realise this isn’t the case… I never quite got over the weird physical feeling of breastfeeding Ramona while I was pregnant.

We are touched out, have things to do, no time to sit and watch eye lids flicker, no room on our laps for a babushka…

Natural Term Breastfeeding Extended Tandem

Natural Term Breastfeeding Extended Tandem

And yet.

I never imagined to still be nursing Ramona at four. But there are one million things I never imagined I’d do as a parent… yet have found myself embracing them when it appears apparent that this road is for us. (Every family has their own paths to take… and it is often the children who grab your hand and reveal it, don’t you reckon?) If you detect any lactating smuggery in this post… please don’t. I understand that for all sorts of reasons this path isn’t for all…. and it has been a rocky one for us at times. (*clumsily inserts all the journey metaphors*

It is pretty special to be meeting Ramona and Juno in a place that mothers in ancient and modern cultures across the world have met for millennia.

(On a rocking chair set in long grass. Hehe.)

Tim took three snaps and at first I didn’t like them one bit. I was so stern in the first! Like a Victorian teacher! But… I’m growing to like the fierceness. My expression is the courage of every parent to walk the way their children beckon.

And the second one…. it seems so immodest, with my spilling breasts. And then, I remembered that that is the accusation pointed at nursing mothers constantly. I’m not going to point it at myself. Breastfeeding can be a bit messy and gaping and vulnerable… but pfft, so is love. That is the world’s sexualisation issues. Not mine or my child’s.

So, there we are. The three of us… and the rest. Just breastfeeding until they aren’t any more.

Featured, Parenting

Urge (allowing our children’s yearnings to bloom)

27 October, 2014

“I’d love it if you didn’t climb up the side of yurt, Ramona. I’m worried that it isn’t strong enough and that the wood might break.”

She looks me in the eye, defiance pulsing out of her, she reaches out and grips onto the wood. Without breaking eye contact she pulls herself up….

It is one of the most frustrating parental moments. It feels as if they are setting out to push your buttons… but what if they aren’t?

What if they simply have an urge that they can’t resist? And they maintain eye contact in order to test if they can retain their connection with you (the number one priority of any young child – critically essential for survival) whilst following up the call of their heart?

Schemas

Schemas are “a fancy word for the urges that children have to do things like climb, throw things and hide in small places. 

They are the building blocks for the brain, repeated behaviour that in turn forge connections in the brain, patterns of unfolding, learning and growth.

Schemas are such an important part in every child’s development that they are covered in training for anyone in the business of care and education of young children – yet not too many parents seem to know about these natural,uncontrollable and totally necessary urges that all children have.”

(read more on Schemas on the fabulous Nature Play site where this quote is from)

or The Call of Their hearts

I have been thinking about schemas a lot recently… the inner urges of a child. Is it too much to describe it as “the call of their heart?” I don’t think so… in fact, I think it is good thing to describe it so… as I believe these inner urges are the thing we as adults experience as that- the beating of our being drawing us towards something. The call to spend time with someone, to change our job, to follow up art.

I’m sure that happiness, for adults, is intimately related to their ability to listen to themselves, to trust themselves, to follow up on those inner yearnings.

And a happy person is a delight to be around. They don’t play out their insecurities on their friends. They don’t second guess motives, or act out of guilt. They respect other people’s decisions and trust them.

So… it could be said…that creating happy people is one of the greatest gifts we could give the world. In fact, I’m going to say it:

Urges look like disrespect sometimes – but allowing the fulfillment of an urge nurtures respect

The amount of times I have heard grownups talk about how important it is to bring children up to respect other people and things could not be added up using my daughter’s colourful vintage abacus. (It’s loads of times.)

It is sort of the unanimous thing, amongst all parenting types. A ground rule. Respecting people and stuff.

Sometimes when children can’t resist this yearning, it looks like disrespect. Let’s stop seeing it that way. Let’s simply say respect has nothing to do with it right here, in childhood.

But let’s say that a children brought up to follow their instincts and to be true to themselves is going to be a PLEASURE in society. Let’s say they might just be one of the most respectful adults out there.

I am pretty sure of that.

If we respect their drive and their desires now, if we protect their right to access what they hope for, they will grow up to respect others and to defend the rights of others.Urge- allowing children to follow thier yearnings

There are small, subtleties involved in allowing children to fulfill their urges, which are sometimes missed.

Like, the conversation that goes “This vase is really important to Hilary. She is worried about it breaking. I hear that you want to hold it. How about we hold it on the rug, so that if it slips, it won’t break?”

and the quiet, murmured one that goes “You are angry. You want to hurt him. I’m not going to let you hurt him. I see you want to hurt him. We will have to find another way for you to feel your anger.” (Because yes, I am an urge-enabler but harming people is never, ever okay.)

And the dance with objects, on this shelf and that shelf, when we can’t find another way… “You really can’t stop flicking these switches huh? But Uncle Les is worried about this radio. I’m going to place it in a cupboard. Now let’s find another switch we can flick…”

Before I had children, I thought I would be someone who wanted to children to understand simply Not To Touch. I’d leave my house exactly as it is… but now I want a YES environment for my children. I want them to have the mindset that the world can be an inviting, and welcome, beautiful place of curiosities and wonder.

I know that a lot of people would think I was a permissive parent. I hate the unconsciousness that comes with that phrase! I have read and read and thought and thought and I feel that letting go of a lot of control is the very best thing for my children.

While I seek to say YES as much as I can, these little conversations that happen are the nuances between being permissive and giving freedom for urges to flourish.

It’s him or me! Whose needs are more important, huh?! Huh?

If we step out of a “control mindset” (read Teresa Brett for more on this!) we encounter a situation where a parent’s needs and a child’s needs aren’t always in conflict. There doesn’t have to be a constant tug of war between what a child desires and our own desires as an adult.

Sometimes though…. There is. My child wants another pancake shaped like a dinosaur. I’ve just cooked ten. I’m tired and slothed out on the sofa. My need involves sitting down for a tick…

I do want to meet my needs as a parent. I am not willing to burn out.

BUT… soon enough my child won’t want me making pancakes… Once my child is a bit older, I have the whole rest of my life to sloth about. When I am 93, sitting for my ninth hour on the same sofa with Countdown on the telly I am going to WISH I spent more time making dinosaur pancakes. I’m so sure of it.

And also…. There is a thing about who is more able to get their needs met. Who is, in this partnership between parent and child? It is me of course. I am the one with access to the resources, the one who can articulate what is going on for me, I can get up and do this, and act on that.

My child however, is bound by her own abilities and my ability to support her getting her needs met.
Urge- letting a child's inner yearnings flourish(autonomously making paint with beetroot and flour)

And also, sometimes, they want to push our buttons…

I began this post by suggesting our children’s inner drive isn’t a push on our buttons. Then I remembered a story told by Larry Cohen, of Playful Parent fame. He had a couple sitting on his couch for a parenting consultation, they were desrcribing how their child was very aggressive, often used to punch them and strike out. He observed this mum and dad, they were just OOZING peace. There words were kind, considered, they were almost sleepy with mindfulness. He looked at them and said “Well, no wonder! She has to be angry for all three of you!”

Sometimes our children DO want a reaction. They dig and dig until they find us. The real us. The one that says OUCH when poked.

It is a strange thing…. Because of course, being a free, content, open, YES parent is a wonderful thing to be… but it is equally important to be an authentic one. When we say YES to an urge, we need to do it joyfully. And if we can’t do it joyfully, we have the opportunity to discover in our selves why not.

And, every parenting moment of angst is a chance to step back for a few seconds, to breathe, to consider the space we are in, what we are going to speak out from… but then sometimes our children need to see us in pain, in frustration, in anger…. Sometimes. Not in a contrived way… in an authentic kind of a way.

They see us then. And they know big feelings are okay, even in adults.

(This is good, because I get those big feelings regularly…)

Let’s bring our children up to be happy, not successful

Argh, that doesn’t sound quite right. I believe that happy = success. Why try and bring children up to be successful in a world that is, frankly, quite unjust? If they fit well within this kind of society than I feel I have possibly done a bit of a rubbish job.

Where as, if they can find contentment and peace- then I will be high fiving my husband about our parenting skills! If they are challenging society’s norms and measure by following their hearts, then I will be feeling like the challenges that came in their childhood of giving freedom to these urges was worth it.

Forget the lessons, the manners, the social norms; they will learn these in time, if they see a need for them.

Make happiness the goal. For your child right now, and for the adult they will become.

Give freedom to their yearnings. Defend their urges.

Parenting

In a gentle way, we can shake the whole world

21 October, 2014

Here I was, sitting at the playground while Juno and Ramona hang off the rusty roundabout, all ready to write about how a one legged Barbie has infiltrated our lives when my husband reads out a BBC headline:

Violence kills a child every five minutes- the majority not in war zones.

And my fingers are struck numb and dumb.

About our Barbie, at least.

My mind shot immediately to a quote I’d read by local child right’s hero Pennie Brownlee just this day- about how we need to completely overhaul our perception of children.

I read the articles about Unicef’s report with these words ringing through my mind. There is an enormous number of children growing up in violent homes- how much can changing our perception of children change the experience of childhood?

Here in Thames, NZ, Pennie and a small team have been teaching respectful parenting courses for several years- and I’m sure- I am so sure!- there is a palpably different parenting culture here. It is apparent at tots groups, in the kindergarten, here at the playground. There is just *that* much more respect for children. I’m sure of it.

New Zealand is one of the 41 countries that have laws about violence against children- although absurdly this government has made noises about reversing it, and surveys seem to show 50% support for this.

The law came in in 2007- probably one of the most controversial laws implemented in recent years. It basically made smacking a crime. Which, if you consider children as being real people with real rights, makes real sense- but very few other countries are willing to go there. Now, this wasn’t a case of just awesome old New Zealand generally just being awesome: great beaches, inventive personalities, relaxed working environs, anti smacking bills! Not at all, actually the statistic on child abuse here are dire, truly dire. They really HAD to do something about being one of the worst OECD countries for child abuse.

I hosted an event earlier in this year with the politician that made that law happen, Sue Bradford, and I was convinced by her report on the difference it had made to the lives of children here. There had been an increase in reporting of child abuse, and nearly every incidence of abuse reported was serious. (It is often suggested that laws like this will put gentle parents who non thinkingly give a violent shake when their child runs across the road in prison- NZ shows this simply isn’t the case.)

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I believe that we can build a world where childhood can be free from violence- where children don’t grow up in fear. We all have a role to play in that- by respecting the children in our lives, recognising their rights and defending them. Family life is far less violent now than it has been in history- we can be encouraged that culture does evolve, albeit slowly. Paradigms and perceptions do shift. Heck, it used to be commonplace to leave babies deemed to weak or sensitive on a hillside. (Read Robin Grille’s Parenting for a Peaceful World for more on this.) We can change the culture of parenting and the experience of childhood.

And when we, as parents and teachers and neighbours and grandparents, are willing to consider children as rights holders, then their right to safety and security might be written into law. The UK has signed the Convention on the Rights of the Child – but as yet have no anti-smacking policy.

We need these laws, absolutely, but we need a cultural shift too. And we can herald that.

It’s easy to feel immensely hopeless and unendingly helpless, reading about the violence bleeding into so many children’s lives. Children dying this very day. I want to hold a minutes silence for them in my heart.

I guess I want that silence to somehow warm a kernel of hope. To set my parental feet in the ways of non violence, and gentleness, and respect. To hold tight onto what history shows us about change. We can only do a little bit, but we should do it, and we will see few moments the ripples that can make across the world.

Here are some other words from Pennie, to finish my sort of inspo-rant:

“Here in New Zealand, when enough of us begin to change the way we behave with babies and children, we can look forward to climbing up from our dismal position of last on the table of OECD countries for child abuse, neglect and fatalities. I look forward to that day with all my heart.”

Oh, yes! Let’s herald that day. Let’s increase the minutes on that statistic until it’s a statistic that doesn’t exist anymore.

.

IMG_1239.PNGWe are out to change the world for our children, for all children.

One legged Barbie can get her rant (non-inspo variety) on this blog another day…

Parenting

Words every new parent needs to hear

1 October, 2014

I was once asked by a friend, Catherine, what words I think every new parent needs to hear. I thought I had it down with:

Be prepared, for a good few years, to never tear a piece of toilet paper off an intact roll. From one to four, unwinding toilet paper will be your child’s hobby and life passion. Start convincing yourself now that loo roll on the roll is overrated and you will face the toddler years triumphantly.

But then she told me she wanted to put my message in an e-bundle filled with messages from authors, poets and artists.

And I thought I’d have another crack.

I wrote a piece called “Changing the world – whilst changing nappies” and it is about being persuaded by Gandhi that good parenting is the most important task we can do if we care about creating a fair, just and beautiful society.

(I see your Loo Roll and I raise you GANDHI.)

I write “When we raise our children gently, with compassion and kindness, they will multiply that goodness and pass it on. When we stand back and allow them to grow in autonomy, we are raising people who will question injustice. When we nurture attachment we are encouraging fearlessness. When we treat our tiniest babies with the utmost respect we are ensuring they will tread with respect in the future. When we love our kids with abandon, in turn they too will love others.”

My article went in to this bundle, the New Mama Pack, and became part of the most INCREDIBLE resource for new mothers in that most vulnerable, and courageous, fourth trimester. (The fourth trimester is that three month period straight after birth when most mammal babies are still in utero but because humans have to get out of their bed to release their inconceivably pressured and tiny bladder at night we get our new tikes early.) The babies are new, the mums are new, and there is a massive need for support. The New Mama pack is a whole tribe of Mamas welcoming the newness and holding your hand with songs, videos, articles, ebooks. It is some of the most creative mums out there articulating the words they think every new parent needs whispered in their ears…Breastfeeding Ramona
(Ramona and I in all our messy, jumbled, unshowered-but-at-least-I’m-out-of-PJs- newness!)

I am STOKED to let you know that for 72 hours there is a MAHOOOSIVE SALE! It has gone from £290 to £29 and it is only available for two more days. If you are a new mum DELVE ON IN, or if you have a friend about to give birth, please consider this as a baby shower present. (Infinitely better than yet another pair of booties. Yes, those teeny weeny booties make you want to die of cute but they will FIT FOR A DAY.)
sale
Click here to purchase this e-bundle through my affiliate link at this whoppingly discounted price (sale lasts until Friday…)

And here is another little bit from my own article, words from Mother Teresa. Words that I want to scribble on to every new mum’s palm so they grab her eyes as she wearily sits down for the fifty millionth feed of the day…

“Following her address a member of the audience stood and asked “You’ve done so much to make the world a better place, what can we do?” He clearly wanted to assist her work. Mother Theresa smiled and said simply “Love your children.” The questioner seemed perplexed and was about to speak again when Mother Theresa raised her hand. “There are other things you can do,” She said, “But that is the best. Love your children as much as you can. Love your children. That is the best.”

What words do you want every new mum to hear?

Parenting

Birthdays and baths and breastfeeding mermaids

19 September, 2014

I read this lovely post yesterday by Ruth. Just a simple, whimsical look at their bath time tradition. Reading it was like soaking in a hot bubble bath – just the soothing thing I needed. Most of my social media time this week has been taken up by the NZ election. I feel permanently angry and despairing about the media’s shocking bias towards National and the general population’s tendency to swallow it whole.

Reading Ruth’s post made me feel sorry for you lot, my lovely blog readers. You come on here and then I slap you you round the head with a rant about politics or parenting. Well out of order.

I thought I’d just give a little catch up on our lives – hoping some gentle musings might provide an antidote to all my ra-rah clamour.

So…

Tim has finished the yurt extension and installing some solar panels. We now sit in a little cabin add- on in the evenings, with the lights on, reading and talking and feeling properly smug and snug! It is only about 3m x 3m but we are absolutely stoked and are filling it up with treasure found in the local dump shop.
photo (1)

I turned 32 last week and for the third year in a row we went camping. This time last year we were broken down in Italy – can you BELEIVE that has been a year? This time we managed to not break down but we visited our most favourite place in NZ. You dig a whole on the beach and it feels with hot water from a deep spring (imaginatively called Hot Water Beach hehehe.) We made an epic pool and sat there until the tide came in and swept cold waves in amongst our spa.photo (3)

This is my breastfeeding mermaid look. Someone needs to design a nursing wetsuit, thanks. photo (2)

We are trying to be kind to ourselves. We’ve had a few disappointments/ hurts over the last couple of weeks. Somehow we manage to both internalise and externalise this by being mean to ourselves and grumpy each other. What is up with that? Warped I tell you. We are trying to go easy, seek out simple joys. We are lucky to have formed some deep and lovely friendships already here. If it wasn’t for our new friends this would have been a madly homesick kind of a week.

I have joined the library and am ravishing mountains of books. This is partly about being kind to myself but also because I read somewhere that the SINGLE thing a child needs to learn how to read is just lots of books and reading going on around them. No need to teach. It may happen much later, but it will happen. So bunkering down on the sofa with a good novel while the girls unravel loo rolls/ take every single tin out of the cupboard/ cover themselves in paint is very much a part of their education, thanks. (Any book recommendations HEARTILY received.)

Ramona keeps growing. (What is up with kids growing, eh?) Taking on new extreme challenges. I have always wondered about Ramona’s inability to jump. Perhaps it is a body memory of falling and breaking her leg when she was a baby, but she has never, ever been able to jump off things more than a foot high. However. This week she has begun to jump. Like, parkour styles. Off things bigger than her. Twice as high as her. Backwards. I just love the constant reminders from our children that we can keep our subtle encouragements to ourselves, they don’t need a push towards anything. They will get there, they will find their courage, in their own sweet time.

Juno, meanwhile, has been free running for about six months, stampeding through life. She is Sonic the Hedgehog but less blue. Christopher Wren with blocks. And she has begun saying “Uh Oh!” with stella comic timing.

That is us, for now. How are YOU?!

Treat yourself kindly, my friends. Read a book, take a bath, gobble chocolate.

(And Vote! Just don’t read your Facebook feed until Monday, when you can carry on pretending all your friends are as sensibly progressive as you. Teehee)