Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding Olympics- Toddler Heat

2 August, 2012

Here we are in London, getting ready for one of the most highly esteemed sports here at the 2012 Games.

Taking her place in the Toddler Heat of the Breastfeeding Olympics we have Ramona of Camberwell, London, surely she will prove to be a legend in her time. At 22 months old she has been preparing for this moment in the limelight for well over a year and a half.

Ramona starts off steady, toddling towards the goal signalling her wish for milk. In a commitment to efficiency she has discarded all words (her favourite once being “BAPS”)  and has now streamlined it to something that takes much less effort- a mere greedy smacking of her lips.

Here we are able to witness the critical difference between an Olympian and a rubbish human- TOTAL DEDICATION. Nothing will steer them off course. Ramona marks out her target from the other side of the playground and makes her way over, ascending small mountains of sand, elbowing other competitors out of the way, pulling at her mother’s top with a verocity that gives her a clear advantage. With not a glance at the teenage boys huddled in the corner who may be getting ready to whip out at best a smirk, Ramona tucks in.

This is what winners are made of.

Of course, like most sports there is a team to think of here and Ramona makes sure Tiny Cat, Musical Duck, Stiff Haired Playmobil Fella, Thomas the Tank Engine all get a turn at exercising their nursing prowess.

We move on to the time-trials now as Ramona shows just how seriously she takes the Olympic motto of Faster, Higher, stronger. She hurtles in for a slurp lasting just moments before running back to the game she was previously involved in. Seconds later she is back, with yet another momentary tug and a sip and a squirt high in the air for good measure. And WHAT’S THIS?! Back for a third time in 5 minutes! This time showing true dexterity by nursing upside down whilst climbing over mummy’s shoulder.

The excitement is unbearable as we head into the all important endurance phase. Ramona steers quickly away from her triumph in the Swift Nursing round and as we head into the night time she reveals exactly how superior her talent for perseverance is. This tiny mite is but a GIANT when it comes to breastfeeding non-stop throughout the period when most mere mortals have to sleep.  It isn’t just chance that Ramona’s slogan is Sleep is for the Weak.

In the final round Ramona assures her supremacy by going all out in the multi-tasking phase. She steams ahead of the other competitors by nursing AND counting her toes AND honking mummy’s nose AND poking mummy’s tonsils AND singing Wind the Bobbin Up.

And, we get a glimpse at just how critical the apparatus are, as nipples are stretched, pulled, stamped on and knelt on in a keen display of athletic versatility and strength.

AND SHE HAS DONE IT! The Champion of the World in Toddler Breastfeeding Olympics, Ramona Lily of Camberwell. Dizzying heights for a toddler of such slight stature. If she could speak she would surely thank her team and all her fans but instead she simply stares adoringly up at her mummy and her mammory glands in a profound demonstration of team effort.

Back over to the Aquatic Centre now where our beloved Becky Adlington is stepping into the water…


It is World Breastfeeding Week! Here’s to a world free from breastfeeding  misinformation and myths, where women can nurse their children without being mocked or derided, where breastfeeding mothers can get applauded and celebrated and supported, and where walls put up between breastfeeders and bottlefeeders are pulled down because we are all mammas, all wanting the absolute best for our little legends.  Woop woop!

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12 Comments

  • Reply Ella S (@K_Pull) 2 August, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Haha, love it. I think Samson might be a contender for the silver!

    • Reply lulastic 2 August, 2012 at 6:14 pm

      Hehehe we’ll have to set them off for a Nurse Off!

  • Reply Vicky 2 August, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Love this post! Although slightly disappointed that you didn’t include a photo of your nose being honked….

    Happy Breastfeeding Week!

    • Reply lulastic 2 August, 2012 at 6:15 pm

      Ah, yes, that would be a classic! I don’t have many breastfeeding pics- I need to get snapping else I’ll forget I ever did it for so long :) xx

  • Reply jennastobbs 2 August, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    I am reading your blog whilst feeding my own little athlete!

    Happy breastfeeding week!

    • Reply lulastic 2 August, 2012 at 11:35 pm

      Brilliant- it is what blogs were created for- micro reads during nursing, Breastfeeding Logs innit!

  • Reply Patch 3 August, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Love it. My boys gained medals at the last Olympics for successfully feeding only from one side (due to an inny that would NEVER be an outy!) – or maybe it’s me that should have got that medal!?

    • Reply lulastic 3 August, 2012 at 11:13 pm

      Wow immense skills! Ramona has a real penchant for the right so the left gets left out somewhat!

  • Reply Lakota [Faith hope and Charity Shopping] 3 August, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Ha, good skills Ramona! We’re proud of you here at fall asleep/bitey towers. (No medals for me or my boys. hey ho!)

    • Reply lulastic 3 August, 2012 at 11:19 pm

      Hehe, she thanks you for the support! Bitey fall asleepness, I’m sure there’s a heat for that!

  • Reply Majikfaerie 4 August, 2012 at 8:17 am

    brilliant post! awesome

  • Reply Janys 29 October, 2012 at 6:40 am

    I have a feeling that I might be a contender for any medals going – I breast fed until littl’un was 2 years and one month old. Some water has passed under the bridge since then, but I can confirm that at almost 22 years of age, she has had about half a dozen colds in her whole life. And I’m not even a hippy ;)

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