Parenting

Stuck in a Parenting Rut? 40 Unconventional Tips for Finding Your Mojo

25 November, 2014

Have you ever felt stuck in a parenting rut? Every so often in my role as stay at home mum, I need an injection of fun.ย I need to shake off my bad self. Find a bit of a groove again.

We woke up grumpy yesterday. Not just on the wrong side of the bed, but the wrong side of the stratosphere. Ramona was snapping at me, I couldn’t appease her. I was getting impatient, Juno was clinging to my knees like moss on a log.

I plonked on the sofa and looked at the clock. 8.05 A.M. EIGHT OH FIVE AM?!? Give me strength.

“Shiver my timbers, children o mine. We are grumpy. Can you think of anything we can do to shake these blues away?” Without even a moment’s pause Ramona said “Have a bath, put my pyjamas on and bake chocolate biscuits.”

So, that is what we did. (Well, we tried to make biscuits but we got all maverick, slopping in some milk, and then it turned into a cake which meant we then made butter icing and shook sprinkles all over and then we sat down and ate the whole thing ourselves. It was decadent and perfect.)

And that good mood has lasted us a solid 24 hours.

It was however, the first time Ramona has been able to identify and articulate her own fug remedy. And I’m definitely crap at soothing myself out of a mood. It made me want to make a list of all the potential mood lifters for families who encounter that stuck in a rut syndrome. (A list! Yes, a list will solve everything!)

It goes without saying, that the first steps for cranky kids and cross parents is validation. Everyone needs to know it is okay to be angry, grumpy, sad or to have rubbish days. Children need to hear that their big feelings are accepted and that there is room for their bad selves. That is unconditional parenting.

But when bad moods are due to disconnection, or getting in a cycle of bad communication, or simply feeling stuck in a rut as a parent, there are some things that we can do in order to get through it, to reconnect, to laugh our socks off and feel at peace again.

So, with the help of marvellous Lulastic readers on Facebook (come and say hello), here are FORTY ways to re-connect, shake the grumps, and start having fun. I can guarantee you won’t be stuck in a parenting rut after a handful of these.

Forty ways to find your parenting mojo again

Madness
We have always relied on a little bit of the ludicrous to break a bad mood.

1 Dance. We will stick on the loudest, bassiest, most fun music we can find (actually, we have a playlist for it- Grumps Begone) and then we just GET DOWN. Reader, Lorella says these mini discos always start with this favourite song.

2 Facepaint. A new face, a new mood. I have a whole bunch of face painted faces in an album on my iPad and we chose one of those and rock our animal selves for a while. It normally ends in Ramona painting my face in her signature style- red all over.

3 Fancy Dress. We all tumble into the dress ups and become flamboyant mermaid ninjas.

4 Pots and Pans. LOUD NOISES. We bang and crash them and and chant and shout a sing and let it all out in a rhythmic way.

5 Roar. A reader explains that they let it all out with a lion roar. I very much like that sense that our bodies can perfectly capture our feelings- if we are feeling fierce we can BE FIERCE.

6 Epic den. In your lounge, as big as you can make it. The perfect spot to sit out chicken pox. See Tinker Studio for diy teepee inspo or Mammasaurus for the best DIY yarn teepee in the garden EVER.

forty ways to reconnect with your children

7 Pulling faces. Bex and Missie Lizzie both rely on face pulling contests. It is silly and fun and will end in giggles, but perhaps more importantly it involves eye contact- one of the fundamentals for reconnecting.

The great outdoors
The outdoors, isn’t it great? It is the one stop shop for the irascible. Readers share about the almost immediate impact of soaking in Vitamin D on moods.

8 Find a spot of grass, your lawn or a patch of park, throw down a thick rug and lie on your backs and watch the clouds. Spot the dragons and alligators and candy floss. (That last one is WELL EASY.)

9 Pack a picnic and eat outside. On your balcony, at the beach. A picnic, for us, involves no caramelised onion tarte- but a can of sweet corn and a can of tuna, and crisps with which to shovel them in.

10 Find a place to run and race and leap about. After running races we can usually be found collapsed in a heap of giggles. Mary says “Sometimes you just the grumps! And kids need to understand that people have mood changes, bad days, sad days etc and that its ok to feel that way. Love support and time and then an epic round of puddle jumping and tree climbing followed by lots of hugs.”

11 Follow My Leader is also a temper shifter- and particularly ideal if a child’s anger comes as a result of feeling powerless.

12 Teddy Bear’s Picnic… All the cuddly toys shoved in an ikea basket, plus a packet of hobnobs. A tree to sit under= winner.

13 Barefoot babies. Whatever the season, shake off those shoes and socks and connect with the earth beneath your feet. Sarah says “We go outside and walk barefoot on the grass – grab some of that great earth energy!”

14 Go to your local beach, woodland or river, whatever the weather. Victoria says “We did it a couple of weekends ago in the rain and sat on a grey pebble beach having hot soup out of a thermos & eating cheese & tomato sandwiches…”

Water
A wise old sage once said “Cranky kids need to get in the water”. Find a way…

15 Bath. You have to turn the taps on, and then help your child in the water and stuff. (Hehe. It is so easy, but it is our absolute first resort.) Crank the connection up by getting in yourself and washing each other’s hair.

16 A colourful bath. Depending on the depth of the bad mood, you may need more help. We stick a few drops of food colouring in to make it extra awesome. (Um, in case you are wondering, and you don’t have food colouring on hand, sliced up beetroot also works a treat…)

17 Bath paints. They are crazily simple but combine the pleasures of being in water with being messy and creating something. Recipe here.

18 Pool. If you aren’t the irritable one than consider a swim at the pool. If you ARE the irritable one STAY AWAY. Those tangled cossies, sweaty legs, pubes stuck to your feet will be way, waaaay too much.

19 Water play. Perhaps you need five minutes to hide in a room and east your secret stash of maltesers. Get out the pots and pans again, several towels, and let your kids have a riot on the lino. Thalia says “Outside water play. ‘Go and get drenched. Sure you can take your soft toys…’

Eat

Speaking of secret stashes… Kids need to know that comfort can be found in eating. Ha, I jest. Sort of. Hey, no disorder is going to come of pulling out the pizzas at times of immovable grizzliness. (Don’t quote me on that.)

Anyway, anyway…. LOOK, PIZZA!!!

20 We have saved the day with DIY pizza. I don’t know what it is about it, but my children absolutely love the awesomeness of designing their own dinner. (Which we have sometimes eaten at 3pm.) Ramona’s speciality is with sprinkles of popcorn.

21 Get an ice cream. This is probably our second resort… It involves a famous chain that prey on the whole word with their scary clown man and addictive sugary substances with extra msg…. One I avoided for TWO DECADES. Then I had kids and realised that their ice creams cost 30p and if you go through the drive thru YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE CAR. OR, THEREFORE, YOUR PYJAMAS. 60p buys both my children so much happiness- I actually feel like it is US exploiting THEM.

22 Chocolate cake! Or biscuits. (Whatever.) Eating something so rich, on the best china has an opulence that feels like a snatched magic moment. (*Maggggic moooooments….*)

23 A chocolate platter. Bring it all out man. Come on…Help the kids think that they have struck gold. You will love it too, and that is partly what the list is for. Finding things that will lift the mood of everyone. It’s legit, anyway. There is Valium in chocolate… I mean endorphins…. Or oxytocin…. Or something….

Make a plan

If you are lucky you might also have time to execute it….

24 We have planned lantern works for the evening…. We made lanterns and then went for the most basic little stroll carrying our lanterns as soon as dusk settled.

25 We have planned movie nights, with tickets and bags of popcorn.

26 We have planned, and done, treasure hunts. For preschoolers, they actually enjoy the planning as much as the hunt. Ruth says “Sometimes I’ll make up a treasure hunt and leave clues around the house.”

27 We have planned camping trips… Making lists (they fix everything) of what we will do and what we will need to take.

It is about dreaming… Of thinking of another day, a different day.

Get your needs met

If you, as the parent, are not coping, do something immediately that will give you hope.

28 Phone a friend. Share your sadness but move on to happiness. Discuss your real feelings, but take a moment to remember some things you have to be thankful for.

29 Dream of sea wind. Plan a trip for your own mental health. Perhaps you all need to get away for one night in order to feel the sea wind in your hair.

30 Book it an afternoon in. Email your other half and discuss an afternoon in the next week that you are going to book in in order to go solo to the cinema.

31 Swap your kids. Call your friend and organise a child swap for the very next day… You have two kids while the other rests and then swap.

32 Start a jar of awesome. My friend was telling me about her friend (it sounds like an urban legend, but I’m sure it’s true) who has a jar of awesome. Every single day she puts something in there, either a little note of something she is thankful for or a trinket to remind her of something special. And then whenever she feels blue she raids the jar, for something to give her the warm fuzzies.

Stop

33 Cancel. Can you cancel the appointment, quit any agenda? Swap the dentist for a trip to the beach. Sometimes these decisions feel irresponsible… But they can be the key to happiness.

34 Hands Free. Adele says “Recently what’s helped is me forcing myself not to look at the phone or computer for the whole day or at least most of it. I’ve realised that my being distracted makes us ALL grumpy.” THIS. SO MUCH!

35 Quit the now, for a few moments. I love this one from Becca “Looking at baby photos with them. Remembering that innocence and vulnerability – that we are the caretakers of (hard to remember at times of extremis.)

36 Stop hanging out together. Ha. You know, as much as possible. Adrienne says “Making ‘cubbies’ out of overturned chairs, blankets, under beds or tables, wherever. Separate cubbies for each child (and even for mummy) if we’re all getting scratchy. I realised when my children were quite young that they are all introverted and time alone is really important for each of them. I tried to help them identify their feelings when they were overwhelmed by too much people – and I would ask them ‘do you need some time by yourself?’ NOT as a punishment but as an option for them to choose.”

Emergency Supplies

Sometimes, if we are on our way home and the girls and I are cranky pants I will pray that there is a package from my family awaiting us. Well… Better than God, or my family:

37 Secret Parcel. The next time you find something awesome in a charity shop, be it a box of fuzzy felts or a puzzle. Squirrel it away on top of the wardrobe for when you need a trick.

38 Unknown craft materials. A tiny packet of new modelling clay, a new stamp, some stickers. Something small and as yet destroyed turned into art will give you a breather and your children some fun.

39 Unseen fancy dress. Again, it is all about the stealth supply. The next time you see a flouncy dress in a charity shop, tuck it away and pull it out when you are down in the dumps.

40 ideas for reconnecting with your children

40 The parent’s stuff. Oh yes, I have been known to willingly hand down to my 18 month old an entire bits and bobs draw so that I can cook dinner. Some people call these “treasure baskets“… I call it “the things I don’t have a home for draw”- key rings, touristy fridge magnets (things usually sent in a parcel from my family), the camera case, a lighter… (Jokes.) You get the idea. Grown up stuff… They love it.

BONUS FEATURE!!!

The Four Healing Salves

I heard today of this ancient shamanic concept and feel it is a perfect one to remember, particularly for those of us for whom these bad days happen all too often. I hope it isn’t cultural appropriation to share it with you.

There are four activities that, if we can incorporate them into our weekly rhythm will keep us whole. I see that nearly all of them are present in the above list in some way, so they have a beautiful restorative impact too.

Singing. Be it listening to music, or belting out anthems on our way to work, singing releases all sorts of goodness for our soul.

Movement. Busting the moves, jiggling at the lights, yoga or sports.

Story. Being enthralled in the magic of a story, phoning our friends simply to share stories, catching up with people.

Silence. Sitting on the beach with the whisper of the wind, twenty minutes of meditation, stilling our minds as we cuddle our children to sleep.

How are you doing with those? I see these salves as an invitation to self care, to meet the needs of my own soul so that the next day I can get covered in facepaint whilst dancing to the Monkey song and stuffing cake in my gob at a Teddy Bear’s picnic on the beach.

I really believe that we don’t have to get stuck in a rut – that we all have the power to change things. I reckon these ideas could help break the cycle of disconnect, get you all laughing and rocking your awesome parenting mojo again. Please also check out my guide to becoming a positive parenting wizz! This one word will make these bad days happen less and less.

Do any of these work a treat for your family? Do you have any other suggestions? As always,I looooove to hear from you…Save and print out! So many good ways t help you find your parenting mojo on a bad day

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28 Comments

  • Reply Steph 25 November, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    I absolutely love this list ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply ThaliaKR 25 November, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    I am feeling happier just READING this list. Thank you. Sharing it EVERYWHERE for the sake of the sanity of parents all over the planet ๐Ÿ™‚
    ThaliaKR recently posted…The Sacrament of Breastfeeding #6: Mastitis and the TrinityMy Profile

    • Reply Sue Denim 26 November, 2014 at 5:06 am

      Thank you! love the tips.
      I have a tip to add – rediscovering sharing nap time – I guess this is easier with just one babi to tend. Lately I have been ‘using’ nap times to ‘get stuff done’. Today I lay down with him, drifting off fuzzily while he supped at my breast and woke up feeling SO REFRESHED!

  • Reply Grace 25 November, 2014 at 11:06 pm

    Number 36 is a must in our house. We call it ‘quiet time’. At ages 7 & 5 my two can sometimes recognise when they need to be by them selves and disappear to their rooms to do their own thing. Sometimes they need reminding, but it gives us all a bit of calm and space. I love the idea of the four healing salves too. I know I’ve done three out of four in the last 24 hours. Gx

  • Reply Ruth 25 November, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    This list is completely brillbags, it’s making me wish for some grumpy days ahead! Thank you x

  • Reply Frank 26 November, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Great list! I’ve had success with having a yes day, where I say yes to everything instead of no! The last time we did it was great, we watched a movie, went op shopping, had sushi for lunch then went swimming.
    You can’t be grumpy when you’re saying yes all the time!

    • Reply ThaliaKR 26 November, 2014 at 9:18 am

      Love this. I often think of it – must have read it as a tip somewhere – as a way to even up the normal life routine which inevitably is run according to an adult schedule and involves lots of ‘no’.
      ThaliaKR recently posted…Jamie Oliver and I Are Not on the Same Parenting PageMy Profile

  • Reply Angela 26 November, 2014 at 9:38 am

    *What* a good idea! We’ve needed a bit (lot) of this lately. I’ll make up a list for us today! Thanks Lucy.
    Angela recently posted…ForagingMy Profile

  • Reply Hatti 27 November, 2014 at 10:39 am

    This is just what I needed today. I have a challenging 4 year old boy and I feel like I get grumpy at him too much! Definitely going to try and do some fun and random things with him again. Thank you!
    Hatti recently posted…Connect Mag Issue 1My Profile

  • Reply November funk, be gone | Circus Queen 27 November, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    […] These unconventional tips for getting out of a parenting rut over on Lulastic and the Hippyshake. […]

  • Reply Janine Fowler 28 November, 2014 at 10:32 pm

    Fabulous post! (What else is new?)

    Dance parties are definitely our favorite way to get rid of the grumps. Cleaning and dancing especially, because everyone is happier when the apartment is in order. Bath time is my go-to for the toddler, but can stress me out if I am in a rut.

    Another surprisingly effective de-grumping involved busting out a variety of craft supplies, including finger paints, while sitting on the kitchen floor. Very counter-intuitive as messes generally make me grumpier, but it was amazing how it turned everyone’s mood around. I suppose it makes sense as art is very therapeutic. (I’ve read a bit lately about doing basic art – even just coloring – before bed to get kids ready for sleep, and it makes a lot of sense to me.)

  • Reply The Mean Reds and other Imagined Problems โ€” Who's the Mummy? 29 November, 2014 at 12:44 am

    […] and if you’re not feeling the mojo, do check out this post on Lulastic that I read last night – it’s […]

  • Reply Kat 1 December, 2014 at 11:53 am

    Perfection! I am going to print out this list and pop it on the wall. Lately I’ve found when my toddler and I are clashing I just drop everything and say “let’s hug”. Works every time!

  • Reply Lorissa 9 January, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    I love this! Why don’t you just come over and play sometime? ๐Ÿ™‚ what a beautiful mama you are.
    thanks for the inspiration.

  • Reply Kylie 1 April, 2015 at 12:34 am

    What a great read, thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply Hard Days with Little Kids: 11 Things I’m Trying to Remember | Sacraparental 2 April, 2015 at 10:21 am

    […] of just doing something fun – for this, see Lucy’s marvellous list of 40 ways to get back your parenting mojo. I’m not going to talk more about that stuff here though, because there are inevitably […]

  • Reply Hard Days with Little Kids: 11 Things I'm Trying to Remember - Sacraparental 4 May, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    […] of just doing something fun – for this, see Lucy’s marvellous list of 40 ways to get back your parenting mojo. I’m not going to talk more about that stuff here though, because there are inevitably […]

  • Reply Christine 24 May, 2015 at 5:47 am

    What a great article! One of my family favourites is making playdough together. It’s fun, easy, and cheap! After making the playdough, the kids are occupied for up to an hour plus playing with their new toy, while I get a chance to tend to something else. We also turn to bubble blowing (this, too, is easy to make at home) to get outdoors and have some giggles.

  • Reply Stuck In A Stay-At-Home Rut - Mama Needs Mana 26 May, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    […] no two ways about it, I’m in a rut, and I’m not so sure just how to get out of it. Dance parties and cloud watching may work for some people, butย this one is going to take more than a bit of fun to shake, I […]

  • Reply Kelley 28 May, 2015 at 7:23 am

    You have no idea how much you have brightened my day…. I need this – SO much…. Thank you Friend…. <3

  • Reply Hayley 28 May, 2015 at 11:19 pm

    Oh wow. Thank you thank you thank you! My toddler woke up this morning screaming “nooooo” and the rest of the day has followed along in much the same manner. Two tricks I often use:
    1. Making a toy slide out of a cardboard box- down go the cars, the teddies, the balls…. Lots of fun.
    2. Put him in his high chair with a couple of water based hi-lighters and a Huggies bum wipe. He scribbles, wipes, scribbles etc. Loves it.

  • Reply Caitlin Herington 14 June, 2015 at 12:42 am

    Down Under, disco baths are all the rage. Bath + half a dozen glo sticks + child – lights = super fun. Dark and quiet for calming too. Putting glo sticks in the freezer will preserve them for next time.

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 14 June, 2015 at 10:53 am

      Oh good to know!

  • Reply Lucy Woodman 19 November, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    Love this! You should totes share your “Grumps Begone” playlist…

  • Reply Amy 30 November, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    This is an awesome list, my daughter is only 4months old, after reading this I cant wait to do everything on it with her, thanks for making me smile!

  • Reply What to do with a grumpy, tired day – alldaylong 4 February, 2016 at 10:35 am

    […] Look at this wonderful list of 40 tips for finding your parenting mojo […]

  • Reply grannyP 30 October, 2016 at 10:51 pm

    I just came across this list. Very inspiring. I am at the granny stage and look after my beautiful. 3yr old granddaughter Mon-Fri whilst my daughter is hard at work. I feel so lucky and privileged to be able to do this. So, although I don’t have the full on stress of having to care for a small child. I do sometimes run out if ideas of what to do to keep her amused.
    We will definitely be including some of these ideas very soon.
    I think it’s so important to take a step back and just give our children our time and full attention whenever we can. They grow up so fast.
    Thank you for sharing this.

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