Parenting, unschooling, writing, yurt life

What to do when the people you love don’t love what you do

8 June, 2015

A few months go we met up with an old family friend we hadn’t seen in yonks. We’d kept in touch, were really close and were excited about spending time together as we passed through her town. We only had her one hour lunch break so you can imagine our surprise, and sadness, that she spent almost the entire time letting us know in not-so-subtle ways that she was disappointed with what we had decided to do with our lives.

She questioned our decision to live in an unconventional dwelling, telling us our yurt wouldn’t stack up against health and safety regulations. She berated us for not using our good degrees, wondering why we had settled for such simple employment.

We knew some of our family and friends wondered about the same stuff, they’d let us know, respectfully, that they worried about our relaxed parenting style and lifestyle decisions. But we hadn’t ever been grilled for an hour, so upfront and disparagingly.

We were hurt.

But we got over it.

Because we are one hundred per cent convinced that we have made the right decisions, to give up our jobs, to move across the world, to start living in a yurt, to buy land with another family, to parent in a consensual, rights-respecting way. We have reflected hard and researched hard and then followed our hearts, and we think this is the only way to do life. We are pretty sure footed about this path we’ve settled on.

Most of the time.

Hehehe.

I had an email this week from a reader who is experiencing similar backlash about her and her partners desire to shake off the mortgage and hunker down for a more simple life. And it got me thinking about how common this is. People we care about letting us know that they don’t like our disregard for the status-quo. It got me jotting down a few thoughts.

Haters gonna hate?
When I am feeling defensive about all of this, it is easy to say “Haters gawn hate” in my most badass voice. But the truth, I know, is that these people aren’t haters. This isn’t a post about all the anonymous folk that comment on Daily Mail articles about hippies weaving a house out of the old uniforms of veterans. This post is about the lovers in our life who don’t like the way we live. Our siblings, and besties, and cousins, and parents.

They love us
And here is the thing. They love us. It is probably the main reason they tut or roll their eyes or outright berate us over lunch. It is easy to forget this when we are feeling got at. Sometimes it is hard to believe that love can ever look so reproachful. But it can. And we have to remember that.
They are scared
Why would people that love us want to criticize important decisions, especially ones that we have thought so hard about? They are scared for us. They haven’t ever seen people stray from the 9-5 working day. They worry that we will be left high and dry, age 93 without a bean to our name apart from dementia. If we come from well off families, it might look as if we are throwing off the responsibility that wealth can bring. If we come from hard – up families it might look as through we are chucking all their hard work spent raising us away.

And also sometimes they are worried because they think they have seen this before. I recently read a book that looked at the macro picture of The Sixties and it was pretty revealing about how older generations might see our lifestyle now and worry about where it is going to lead. It is easy to look back on the sixties and think, oof, all those hippies had it SUSSED! But in their shrugging off of social norms they really did shrug off a lot of good stuff, too. For example, it seems as though part of their dive into sexual freedom meant they leapt away from commitment, and even, sometimes, consent. I think the liberal, progressive days of the sixties paved the way for today- where we are able to take radical concepts and run with them- so ‘nuff respect for that- but our parent’s generation see this and think we are going to end up like the burnt out, drugged up, love crumpled hippies of the Sixties. And they are scared for us.

Reassure them
Are you able to pinpoint what people are afraid of, on your behalf? If so, you can reassure them, without having to change your decision making. This isn’t about having to explain yourselves, which can get tiresome in the extreme, but putting it out there, explicitly , that they do not have to be afraid.  Sometimes I think people are worried that we have simply “fallen” into this lifestyle, that our parenting is simply accidental laissez faire, as opposed to being a parenting style we have researched DEEPLY. They think our lack of proper jobs is to do with not asserting ourselves, of accepting something less than our full potential. Often, we don’t have to actually explain our position, we simply just need a few choice sentences that can address those deeper fears.

  • We have researched this extensively and believe this is exactly the right decision for us.
  • This is intentional, not accidental.
  • We have a plan.
  • We believe this is the way we can fulfill our full potential.
  • We are committed to our family’s safety.
  • This is the way we can achieve full mental and physical well being for all of us.
  • We have reflected upon the risks of this and are going into this with eyes wide open.

Let other people explain your thinking
We have a book that we sometimes call upon and give to people. It explains our parenting style from a philosophy which many of our family come from (Christianity.) Close family members can be very open to reading materials given to them, and this can be a much easier way of getting ideas across than through conversation. Having someone else explain something can validate it and articulate it better than our flustered, sometimes defensive, selves! This can lead to some quite open and honest conversation.
We can focus on connection
There are loads and loads of reasons Tim and I have opted to stray from the mainstream when it comes to our parenting, our children’s education, our jobs, our home and, well, you know, whole life. Some of them include “because we have given a lot of thought to the idea of schools and think that, for the most part, they stifle learning, stampede over human rights and crush a child’s spirit” also “we don’t have 9-5 jobs because the idea that you are what you earn or that we must find value in being busy, busy, busy is a load of crap” HOWEVER… we don’t tend to say this out loud to many people, y’know?

If it feels like a conversation is honestly and openly spirited, that people have authentic questions, then we are MORE than happy to have a deeper discussion about our reasons. But if it is just a quick talk, or we sense any hostility, than we try and focus on topics that are inarguable:

  • We want to spend this quality time with our children while they are young
  • We want to spend loads of time outdoors, enjoying nature
  • We want our children to experience as much love as humanly possible
  • We have plenty of time later on, if we want, to be more ambitious
  • Children are natural born learners and we want to provide as much chance for them to follow that up as possible

These are the kind of sentences that we think provide a way to connect. They are likely to get people thinking, ah, yeah, I can get on board with that idea. (For the most part, we just say the first one, over and over again, on a loop,  like a politician on the radio, exercising the media training they’ve been given.)

Your life fits you alone
And then, when all is said and done, you are the one living your life. Only you and your family know the right decisions for you. There very much comes a point when we need to stand tall, with our feet on the foundation of our good decision making! We have researched, reflected, looked inside our hearts and out, and we are living the life that fits us alone!

There is a beautiful quote, a slightly less street way of saying “Haters gonna hate” about how an entire sea of water can’t sink the ship, unless it is allowed in. Lulastic parenting lidestyle blog New Zealand

What is going to help you batten down the hatches? To seal up the portholes and fill in the cracks?

I feel at my least vulnerable, and least defensive, and least likely to let a dribble of water into our ship when I have these things:

  • A tribe. A group of people who think like us! Who make our parenting look normal, our yurt look awesome, and our lack of office jobs look ideal. At various times in our lives this has looked like online forums, regular attachment parenting meet ups, bi-annual unschooling camps, even moving to a place where questioning the status quo is a healthy normal. (Here in the Coromandel, New Zealand, living an eco, sustainable, progressive life is very common and it was a big reason we chose to move here.) Come on over and find a tribe at our Facebook page too..

  • This is our friend’s beautiful yurt. We actually know tons of people that live in buses or tents or handmade homes – life can be very good without enormous mortgages.

  • Lots of information. I am zealous about books and studies. I read and read. I keep up with neuroscience so that I can explain the importance of attachment, I keep up with the baby mortality stats so that I can counter any argument to cosleeping, I read everything I can about how children learn, I get my head around the unsustainability of our current housing situation and seek to understand what are the fundamentals for happiness and well being. I RARELY pull these out of my quiver and fire them – it might be tricky to do so uncombatatively! But for my own sake, this all helps me feel confident in the choices we are making.
  • Ongoing family discussion. Tim and I talk a lot about this stuff. It is important that we are together on this journey of understanding. We go over quick fire parenting decisions we have had to make, we discuss books we are reading about sustainability. We sometimes take a while to catch up to each other but we are in it together. A crew learning the ropes. (Oh lordy, I am completely unable to put my ship metaphor away!)

I want to just take a second to validate you. It’s going to be a slightly emosh second as I am feeling quite full of heart that you are here, reading this, one of us … You aren’t alone… we are all here and we can cheer each other on.

If you are questioning the mainstream and seeking to live a life that takes less of a toll on the earth, you are of a crowd that is going to go down in history, that will be thanked by our grandchildren’s grandchildren! They shall call you a legend.  If you are making presence and peace and love your ambition, and don’t really have two pennies to rub together, you are rich. If you are nurturing your child’ spirit, determined to let them spread their wings, to live as partners in this dance of life, if you choose empathy over control,  you are nourishing a generation that will take this love and build a new world with it. 
I am sure I have only scratched the surface of this topic! I would be absolutely stoked to hear some of your own thoughts on this hefty topic. 

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52 Comments

  • Reply Steph 8 June, 2015 at 7:05 pm

    CRYING! You’re an inspiration Lucy. I identify with so much of what you write about and I’m always inspired by the choices you make for your family. I’m well and truly stuck in the humdrum of mainstream schooling and this soul destroying culture of living to work, but I aspire to one day live a healthier, kinder life. Really powerful, inspiring post xx
    Steph recently posted…I don’t want this for my childrenMy Profile

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Hey Steph….
      That sentence about schools and 9-5 was sort of a “wow look at my extreme feelings on so,e of this stuff” – possibly wasn’t helpful for people stuck in those situations…
      So sorry about that…
      I do think we can look at the whole picture of our lives though, and support and advocate for our children’s rights whilst in mainstream school I 🙂 I bet you do that!
      Love x x

  • Reply Jayne 8 June, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    The thing that bothers me most about the way your “friend” treated you both is that she’s assured enough of your intelligence to raise the point of you both having had a great education and employment prospects but doesn’t credit you with enough to accept that you’ve gone into your lives consiously and with serious though. There’s almost an assumption that you’ve somehow lazily fallen into living in a yurt and raising your kids to be free – I think she’s seriously underestimating both the logistical challenge of actually selling a house, worldly possesions and rocking up in a tent on the other side of the world AND your strength and determination in doing so. As you said though, haters gon’ hate, so let her do the scorn and dismay while you live happy, beautiful lives.
    Jayne recently posted…How to Create and Grow a Family GardenMy Profile

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      Yeah!!!

  • Reply izzy 8 June, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    I think this is brilliant, and this way of living ideal. I am also envious as I am in the 9-5 office working mum, mortgage seeking, tedious camp and would love to escape this. Make my life slower, simpler, more connected to the world and especially my children. I feel like I just don’t know how. Maybe I’m not brave enough. Feel like I don’t fit in with your tribe as I am so apparently firmly in the other. That whilst I try to be the most gentle and compassionate mother it needs a lot of hard work and the stuff that doesn’t matter such as work, technology, conforming…just make it harder. Good on you for all of it. You don’t know me but I like your posts and they are one of my sources of inspiration. You totally have it right.

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      Ach, you can be in the tribe! All invited! If you are trying to be gentle and conscious than you are who I was speaking to- my own (quite extreme) example were only an example.
      And, we are all on a journey, in. A way, moving closer to where we want to be…

  • Reply Adrienne Thompson 8 June, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    Hi lovely people,
    we didn’t make the same choices that you have made but we have made choices about lifestyle and parenting that people have questioned and criticised and I do empathise with you. One thing I have realised is that sometimes people feel that by choosing something so different you are criticising them and their choices. They become defensive and react by attacking you. I remember someone saying to me and my husband “I would love to buy a boat but people like you make me feel too guilty about spending that amount of money on myself.” That hurt. Later on, from a number of people, words that hurt far more – “I love my kids too much to do [what you have chosen to do] .Did they really imagine we didn’t love our children to the end of the world and back again? So, encouraging you to keep faithful to your choices and decisions and thank you for your gracious and gentle response to people who don’t understand or agree.

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      Yes, this is absolutely right.l.. And we have been told that “what is wrong with the way WE raised YOU”…
      If only people could get that we aren’t judging anyone through our own choices…

  • Reply Carmen 8 June, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    Thanks for putting your thoughts out there for us to read. This post made me shed a tear and then a big smile (while I sit on the loo. Please take that as a compliment that your words relax me).
    It is hard sometimes to not be sucked into the consuming world around me. ive had problems for child services because of the natural choices I made and that’s a very scary reinforcement that I cannot control everything around my child. Fortunately no argument can hold up because when people meet her the attached, breastfeed, co sleeped, respected child is truly a genius. Physically and spiritually she is amazes everyone around her. People are shocked by the things she is capable of, like crawling at 4 months and peeing in a pot since birth. Her relax and intelligent mind shines which is great for closing down any argument or opposition. Yay to us. For myself do lots of coco hailing so that I am not blocked by old patterns of behaviour. The councilling I do is call Re Evaulation Co Cpuncilling. It is probably in NZ if you want to check it out. On my website u have a blog which I started some months ago. Since then I have found your one. You are one of the only blogs that I look forward to now. Life is good isn’t it xxxx

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Hehehehe…This made me smile!

  • Reply Angela 8 June, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Wow, that must have been hurtful, but you have processed it with grace. My own mother didn’t speak to me for three months because she was convinced (and probably still is) that my ‘relaxed’ way of parenting meant my child was going to be very ‘unhappy’ and become a juvenile delinquent! Umm, yeah, my kid is two and is very confident, secure and happy. Anyway, I’m like you: I arm myself with knowledge, my husband is with me in this 100%, and I just don’t give a sh*t what she or anyone else thinks. I do what feels right for my kid and for us as a family (like leave successful jobs in Wellington for the quiet life in Whanganui). Rock on Lucy, rock on.

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Oh wow 🙁 mega sadness 🙁
      But good on you x x

  • Reply Vicki 8 June, 2015 at 7:47 pm

    Oh my, oh my, where to start, hey? This really stirs up emotions for me as my partner and child and I live an extraordinary life out of the mainstream life. Later this year we are ramping it up by hitting the road for travel, no jobs, no possessions, just us. We have been subject to questions, concerns and judgement for choices we have made starting with home birthing in my 40’s, living as vegans, choosing minimalism and sustainable living as ways to conduct ourselves etc, etc. My partner and I often discuss why it is people like to focus on us and how we live when in reality I am shaking my head and scratching it too when I see over consumption, debt and over commitment while my fellow humans follow the mainstream and advice from “experts” even if it is proven to be not necessarily better. We both agree that others are fearful that their choices are not the “right” ones, they are envious because we are living on our own terms and they read/watch/listen to too much mainstream, corporate, state controlled media. I really like this piece because it shows me that we are not the only ones who have taken another path. I do not always buy the argument that people are voicing their opinions because they love you. I feel if they love you they will support you no matter what. The last part about being legends for standing up for your beliefs is spot on. In closing I will say those close to me ( immediate family and best pals) have never questioned any decision or any lifestyle choice I have made for me or my family…well to my face anyway 🙂

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      Holy mackerel, you are well set on this journey! *fist bumps*

  • Reply Emma 8 June, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    I loved this (like all your posts). As someone who has consciously decided not to use Facebook I wish there was another way I could join the online community!
    Emma recently posted…Dress your baby for less, part 2: special occasionsMy Profile

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      To be fair… This comments section is probably more lively!

  • Reply Ashley 8 June, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    Thank you so much for writing this. I just recently found your blog and find it so comforting and inspirational. Thank you!

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      Oh thank you x x

  • Reply Kitty 8 June, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    I love this post, it made me cry, thank you.

    I’ve never commented before but I wanted to share an experience with you. 6 years ago I had a breakdown following years of mental health problems. At the time I had just met my now husband, and his father had been through very similar 10 years previously. He had redefined and found great peace with his life through walking away from his (successful) career and spending time gardening. He hadn’t worked since, and his impact on his whole family is immeasurably better. Encouraged by his example I left my job after my breakdown. I ended up not working for 3 years, and when I did go back, it was part time. During that time I did a little volunteering, which was only beneficial, and studying, which left a sour taste so I walked away from that too. But these activities started after a couple of years of nothing but a long walk every day. I don’t work now but stay at home with my son who’s almost 2.

    That path has led to immeasurable benefits; sure, we are poorer (although very comfortable), but our relationship is strong and my relationship with my son is strong (resulting in a child with self esteem) and neither of these things would have been possible without that choice that few understood. The patterns I grew up with didn’t lead to these outcomes, they led to pain and confusion.

    Sorry this is really long! What I want to say out of this is that my mum didn’t understand my decision, she struggled a lot with it and staged an intervention. And what you haven’t said in your article (but I suspect you might think?) is that one of the places this can come from is regret over the paths not taken & insecurity in life choices. I know when I read your blog, I think ‘i wish I could do that’ and feel my life is lesser in comparison. That’s my issue, not yours, and I’m very grateful for the inspiration of your blog. Just a thought.

    Also what’s the Christian book you recommend? I’m a Christian and would love to have a book to recommend Christian friends.

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 4:02 pm

      Ah 🙁 What a story… You have been through an awful lot and it seems like you have made some awesome decisions.
      I’m sorry it feels like that, I do try and be really honest on my blog too, like some days are totally shit even now, you know? Even when you are living something you’ve dreamed of.
      I am a firm believer in happiness being to do with the simple things you do every day, rather than, say, living in a yurt…

      • Reply Kitty 12 June, 2015 at 7:05 pm

        Oh Lucy I didn’t mean it in a negative way! I’m half asleep so this probably won’t come out right, however, I think it’s the double edged sword of anything not mainstream – inspirational, challenging, and insecurity producing. Reading your blog totally normalises my parenting/lifestyle choices, and gives me a chance to grow into more confidence when my choices/circumstances differ.

        What I meant is that to experience choices outside of the norm is an unsettling experience for those who are making the ‘mainstream’ choice, it holds their possibly previously unexamined choice up – perhaps something they hadn’t even realised was a choice – and exposes the artifice. And the underlying concern is that if this person is ‘right’, what does that say about my choice? And then leads into examination of that choice resulting in greater security in that choice or a change, sometimes a massively life altering change! This is such a big issue and sometimes we are not in position to take that on for whatever reason, leading to jealousy and/or anger and denial.

        Btw you are changing the world, keep it up! I am cutting down how often I wash my hair to save on water, this was entirely motivated by reading your blog! I’m hoping to get to once a week washes (low poo).

        • Lucy
          Reply Lucy 13 June, 2015 at 8:40 am

          🙂 yay and you are sooooo right….
          I am so grateful for all the people in my life that inspired me to make changes I have so far- I’d be a different person if it wasn’t for the Beccas and Clares and Lucys….

  • Reply ThaliaKR 8 June, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    Love, love, love this. Thank you.

    I particularly appreciate your well-chosen scripts, and the recommendation to focus on the common ground. Great resources – thank you!

    And a particular AMEN to tribe idea. You’ve got to have some like-minded people around – and hurrah for t’internet supplying them!
    ThaliaKR recently posted…16 Reasons to Get Rid of the Sole Parent Work TestMy Profile

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 10 June, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      *high fives*

  • Reply Briar 8 June, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    Your last paragraph ohhh it just warms the cockles of my heart! Such a reassuring read xx

  • Reply Melissa 8 June, 2015 at 9:45 pm

    Man, I love this blog! Thanks for being so honest and open about how you parent and why! As I’m currently expecting my first baby, I’m just starting on a parenting journey and really love learning from trailblazers like you! What’s the book you recommend to family? Or any good books on attachment parenting in general?? No idea where to even start on this journey!

  • Reply Laurenne Hopkins 8 June, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    Ahhhh Lucy, the most well timed post ever. Me and my husband had this exact same conversation last night after I spent a seriously frustrating hour on the phone to my nan involving a discussion on her (mainly Daily Mail informed) opinions about us co-sleeping with our (soon to be) third baby *le sigh*. I often now tend to end these conversations with a stock phrase of ‘I have done a lot of research on this and I believe it is the best thing for our family.’ or say I’m happy to send through some links to balanced articles / research they could read if they want to know more.

    Breastfeeding (they found it strange enough with a newborn let alone a 2 year old and soon to be tandem feeding), home-birthing, co-sleeping, the general way we parent, veganism, unschooling, and hopefully soon downsizing to living in a small space / caravan with a bit of land (lots of planning going on, and you guys have been massive inspo by the way!) is just all so alien to our families (and most other people). I don’t mind talking things over and helping people to try and think of things differently, but sometimes I just get exhausted with having to explain things all the time! It is like going around in circles sometimes too, as I think I’ve had a really useful discussion with someone then a few weeks later the same concerns will come up, particularly with things like unschooling.

    I completely agree a lot of it is done with love at the core, but it’s difficult too when family / friends clearly find your decisions / life choices an attack on theirs. I find often people try to justify to us why they couldn’t home educate, or ‘prove’ to us how well their kids are doing in school (completely unnecessary!). I really really try to explain that while we think it is the best decision for us as a family that I know it’s not for everyone and that no one ever needs to justify their decisions to us!

    Completely agree with the tribe, immersing myself in the company of similarly minded people really helps when I’m feeling a bit frustrated with this, which is why this post just made me go ‘ahhhhh’. I was actually going to write about it myself today, but I can’t think of a more perfect way to say this than you have already. Keep inspiring 🙂

    Lots of love, L x
    Laurenne Hopkins recently posted…Perfect Italian Salad RecipeMy Profile

  • Reply Laura 9 June, 2015 at 12:30 am

    Love this blog! That last bold paragraph was so heartwarming to read!
    When I tell people I’m a wedding celebrant they invariably ask if that’s enough work and how much I earn, which they would never do to a 9-5/full timer!
    I wonder sometimes if people are a bit jealous and so can come across as discouraging or critical as a coping mechanism. We have chosen to live life a bit differently and maybe they envy this freedom but haven’t got the courage to make a change. And us kiwis are awfully good at putting each other down instead of saying, “flip I admire you.”

  • Reply Rachel (Roo Paprika) 9 June, 2015 at 12:53 am

    Errgh, the unsolicited advice.

    Your post has (as they often do) come at quite a serendipitous time for me. Having negotiated our way through a mere 20 months of parenthood, fending off scaremongering Daily Mail articles sent to me in the mail by well meaning relatives (true story), I am now finding myself barraged with being asked ‘when I am going back to work?’. ‘When am I getting a ‘proper’ job again?’ ‘When is S going to nursery…?’ This is despite the fact I have nobly juggled freelancing and being the primary carer for a small human about 6 months now. That’s not proper enough apparently. They are not proper jobs. It doesn’t really stop.

    So your post actually found me half way through filling in a job application form, for a job that would take me away from my child three days a week, but, after I’ve paid for his childcare, would leave us with absolutely no extra money. And I am wondering ‘what is the point?’ How come that has become acceptable, but doing the incredibly hard and demanding but rewarding-in-ways-that-money-will-never-be-able-to-touch child-raising job ourselves is not? Now don’t get me wrong, I am a feminist, I believe in choice, I fully support the choice to work and the choice to make YOUR choices about YOUR own family, but why does there seem to be such a limitation to the choices that are socially acceptable?

    I might just put this job application in the bin and go and give my sleeping baby a cuddle instead.
    Rachel (Roo Paprika) recently posted…7 days later – Social Media and the UK General ElectionMy Profile

  • Reply Helen 9 June, 2015 at 1:31 am

    What’s the book you give people to read?

  • Reply Laurels 9 June, 2015 at 7:34 am

    This post really touched me, particularly the final paragraph. Thank you! I dream of a more simple life for my family but worry about some of the things you mention, particularly being old and penniless in the future. How did you come to terms with this? I’d love to know.

  • Reply Mammasaurus 9 June, 2015 at 11:29 am

    Lovely to read Lucy, not for the upsetting incident but for the honesty about your life choices x
    Mammasaurus recently posted…CAMP BESITVAL, THE CREATIVE & NURTURING FESTIVAL FOR FAMILIESMy Profile

  • Reply Eeh Bah Mum 9 June, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    I’ve always loved your blog and this post sums up exactly why. You argue your point so beautifully and always in a generous thoughtful manner. Thanks for introducing me to the quote about sinking ships although I’ll prob continue to Shake It Off Taylor Swift stylee ‘cos that’s how I roll. In Yorkshire. With my children. Hmm might not be really pulling it off….

  • Reply Jessica 10 June, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    I got sent to this post from a comment on my blog, as I was talking there about feeling the need to justify our choices. We have built a tiny house in the back of a truck and are living on friends’ smallholding, helping with the animals, cosleeping with our baby girl, working minimally but living richly. This is really beautiful and very timely for us. One thing we need to work on is building a tribe since, as we both come from middle class families (my husband’s English, mine American), there is definitely a huge amount of not understanding from our parents and some siblings, which is especially offensive and hard to deal with when it comes to questioning your parenting choices (“a truck isn’t a good environment for a baby”, etc, without having seen our beautiful home or the way we live.). Hopefully getting to know other people in similar boats (gah, nautical analogies again!) will come in time. I would love if you would share the two books you mentioned in the post, the one about a meta analysis of the 60s counterculture (I have a whole theory about that so would be very interested) and the one about your parenting style. Always looking for new knowledge and resources! Thanks again for this, can’t wait to share it.
    Jess
    Jessica recently posted…Tiny Home Values (or- Why Are You Actually Doing This?)My Profile

  • Reply Janine Fowler 12 June, 2015 at 11:25 pm

    I am personally (more than) fine being controversial but I know that everyone is not like me. This post is a great take on how to address that. I am going to share this with my online Attachment Parenting group, as I know it is something many in that group struggle with sometimes.
    Janine Fowler recently posted…Zeke: Now You Are TwoMy Profile

  • Reply Lizzy 20 June, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    Loved reading this Lucy! Although a lot of how you guys live wouldn’t suit us… We totally see how and why it works for you and the kids and how it is having a positive impact on not just your family but the wider community and beyond. Two thumbs up!!

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 23 June, 2015 at 9:40 am

      Mwah mwah, love you Lizzy!

  • Reply Montse 24 February, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    Hi Lucy!
    I would like to explain you what happen to us.
    Nearly 3 years ago, was told us that my father had Alzheimer. After something more that a year he was dead. And during that time and later I have understand the importance of life, and not just, bit either the importance of live according to your feelings, desires and thoughs.
    So we became vegan, my husband left her job (9-19 office job + 2 extra travel hours), I remained pregnant again and we have sell out nearly 80% of our possessions. A more than 200 book collection, cd’s, clothes, cooking tools and whatever was valuable to be sell. Then we sell our home aswell, a 50 square meters appartment situated close to Barcelona, finishing mortgage and with the remained we have bought a new one in a small town in the middle of nothing.
    No one agree with our decision, everyone said that I just became crazy due my father disease, and you know? At that point I really felt never I was so right.
    Unfortunately for us, after only 6 months living in a kind of offgrid (at least for us), we should move again with my mum, where we are living at the moment and seems like everyone has pointed over us are laughing and telling things like: I known yo were wrong. I did tell you, and stuff like that.
    So… I feel really depressed, cos I don’t want to live like this and is like I SHOULD!!
    Well, that’s it! I’m sorry is not a happy ending history (by now).
    Than you for sharing because you are super inspirational to me.
    XXX

    • Lucy
      Reply Lucy 25 February, 2017 at 11:18 am

      oh hey Montse. I’m so sorry. This sounds so full on, as if you are trying so hard to follow your heart and get impeded. Sometimes it is just a case of timing? Like you know you still have this dream in yur heart and you can still do it but for some reason uou have to live with your mother for some time?

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