The Ominous Silence of babies and toddlers

Ramona has already begun doing things I associate with parenting toddlers- drinking bath water? I have three more years of this? She literally bends double in the bath to slurp up that murky, soapy goodness. The other thing is going deathly quiet when doing something bad. When my sister hears that silence she is guaranteed to find little Jude having unravelled every toilet roll in the house.

Today I was busy backcombing my quiff and heard that silence (in some ways as loud as a siren – who would have thought the absence of a nine month old baby’s babbling, gurgling and shuffling could be so piercing?!) to find her having a grand old chomp on my ipod cable with her two gnarly teeth. Yesterday I busted her tearing up tissue and stuffing it in her mouth.

What’s with this??

How could she possibly know that she shouldn’t be doing that?

But she knows, otherwise she would be carrying on with her sweet little babysong, innocently destroying all the important wires in our house. (You say it is because these things involve her mouth being industrious? But no, it it isn’t because I am telling you, when she breastfeeds she makes THE LOUDEST NOISE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD. It is the muffled growl of a clan of starving lion cubs setting upon the tender flesh of a big eyed gazelle. It increases several decibels when in peaceful, public places.)

I am on to you Ramona with your silent, sneaky ways. I’m on to you…