books Archives - Lulastic and the Hippyshake

Parenting

5 ways to get a book advocating child abuse off the shelves

8 November, 2013

Once, when I was a kid, my Sunday School gave me and my sister and three best friends the chance to run it for a session. It was probably meant as a beautiful gesture that would help us realise we were good and responsible and would forever more behave ourselves. But what happened is that, while the five of us were sitting around planning it out, we got into a massive argument (“NO, NOT A HYMN THERE, A PRAYER!” “A HYMN!” NOOOO, A FRIGGING PRAYER!”) and I ended up grabbing the nearest thing and walloping my sister right over the head with it. The nearest thing? Er, well it was a Bible. One massive Bible. Wallop.

Those were my Bible-bashing days. *comedy drum noise*

But seriously, no, truly, really, serious now… *Serious face*

The absolute worst case of Bible-bashing I have ever seen has galloped into the lime light over the last day or so: a book available on Amazon, entitled To Train Up a Child, written by a pretty famous Christian author, that advocates some incredibly serious physical discipline. I used the Look Inside function and was horrified. One paragraph that I read with my six month old baby Juno grabbing at my phone advised wiggling your glasses in front of your BABY to tempt them, then when they grab for them, as babies instinctively do, slap their hand. Continue to do this until they learn not to touch precious things.

There is so much to say about this, SO FLIPPING MUCH, about how parents who take this advice are effectively training their child out of all of their natural, wonderful urges. About how it is simply parenting by fear alone. About how if this was being advocated as an adult to adult interaction it would be seen as entirely absurd and outrageous, but it has wallowed so long, and he has been taken seriously as an author steadily for many years, simply because it is violence against children who must be something other than human.

I can not fathom physical discipline. People mindfully hurt their precious children? It goes against both love and logic. The things we sow in our children’s lives will be reaped by society later. They will learn violence and cruelty, I am absolutely sure. But this book goes way beyond even smacking. It suggests using implements, pinning down. It is undoubtedly abuse.

Banning books though?
Sally, of the top blog Who’s the Mummy posted about this yesterday, making the point that books shouldn’t be banned for having an opinion different to yours. Of course not, and there is some very serious contemplating to be done about banning books (I found Mahfuzur Rahman a bit persuasive on this…. Just not enough.)

However, I am also a pragmatist and this is a parenting manual. Written and marketed as a guidebook for parents. Sales of this book result in children being physically wounded and damaged for life. The presence of this book influences parenting norms; it impacts the whole sphere of parenting making mere smacking seem moderate. Children are often powerless and often voiceless and sometimes harsh action is required to protect society’s most vulnerable. This book incites violence and should actually be seen as law breaking, and treated as such.

I could go on and on. But I think instead I will simply suggest you take a look at the Look Inside function, decide how you feel about this book, and book banning in particular and then, if you want to, take action. What is with me and book activism at the moment? It is like becoming My Thing. I don’t know how I feel about that. Saaaave meeeeeee.

Perfect Timing
I haven’t blogged about this book before as I just felt a bit hopeless. I was fairly sure that Amazon wouldn’t listen. That it was a thing so deeply embedded in American culture that it couldn’t be touched. But with the force of Nadine Dorries’ office behind it- she has been calling Amazon all day- I think Amazon might respond. It’s the perfect case of people campaigning quietly for many years and then a politician giving it just the momentum needed. And we live in such a globally connected world that I am ADAMANT that a big hooha here can nudge away at parenting norms in other corners of the world.

5 ways to take action and help get this book banned
Milli Hill of the excellent blog The Mule, first brought this to my attention last year and she created a petition. Sign it here.
Email Amazon asking the title to be removed. There is an inspiring letter to get fired up on over at Spencer’s blog
Tweet about it, the hashtag #lovenotbeat is being used.
Tweet Nadine Dorries a bit of encouragement, she won’t give it up if she feels there is a crowd behind her and she will be certainly picking up some major flack over it from the ban-the-book-banners posse.
Facebook about it- share this post to give people the low down and ideas for action.

Get on this banning band wagon before this Bible bashing horse bolts the stable.

(Lulastic: messing up metaphors since 2011)

PS For more parenting/ travelling / thrifty blogging follow through Facebook or Bloglovin or even just enter your email to get them pinged into your inbox. I don’t rant and rave THAT much…

Parenting

Library activism for gentle parenting

28 October, 2013

When I was a brand spanking new mum (actually, not spanking, just cuddly) I wandered down to my local library in Peckham to see if I could get some reading matter on gentle parenting. I was looking for advice on building attachment, the norms of breastfeeding and what to expect with cosleeping.

I found the parenting aisle, and bent down to scan the books. Spine after spine yielded Gina Ford’s name. The parenting section seemed like a shrine to the Contended Baby Empire. I didn’t find anything to help me out that day; fortunately I found the solace and wisdom I was after later on in online groups.

Whilst being in London over the last couple of weeks, crashing at my folks place while Tim rescues Betty the Camper from the grubby hands of peculiar mechanics, I’ve joined their library. Honestly. Libraries. They are so FLIPPING BRILLIANT. I’m too scared to hire books these days as I have an actual Forget-To-Take-Books-Back Syndrome. We just go up there and laze amongst the tomes and read on the sofa together, and I use my library card to download books on my E-reader. (I can’t tell you how ridiculously happy downloading free ebooks with no overdue fine possibilities makes me.)

The first time I was there I perused the parenting aisle, hoping that in the last three years things might have gotten a little more representative. Well, every single Ford volume was there- guides from sleeping to potty training to riding a bike to singing a Nursery Rhyme (just joking about the last two, but I expect they’ll be next!) But there WERE other books… Tizzie Hall and her similarly extreme, ungentle methods, also a sleep training guide describing the “extinction” method. (What a name. If a name of a method could perfectly sum up what you are doing to your child’s trust in you, and your connection then they have NAILED it.)

Why, WHY, would I pick these books up for a flick through? WHHHHHY shatter my hope that people are moving towards more peaceful and respectful interactions with children and babies? I blame my hands. The rascals grab these books and open them up to the saddest parenting advice and shove it in my face… My eyeballs are like “DON’T LOOOOOK!!!” But they always do. The same thing happens with the Daily Mail at my granddad’s house. My hands are fisticuffs, Well Up For It. They didn’t get my memo about peaceful living.

I approached the librarian for a conversation. I wanted to find out why the shelves were stocked with pretty harsh, punitive child rearing methods. A reading of Parenting for a Peaceful Word by Robin Grille has convinced me that there is a really strong link between the mainstream parenting practices and the quality of societal well being, justice and peace in the subsequent decades, when the kids are adult and making decisions that effect their country. It may sound a bit conspiracy theorist, but it seems to me that the most predominant parenting literature at the moment is designed to squeeze our children into a mould that will make them compliant and obedient Contributors to the Economy. What is the relationship between this idea and our libraries?

You’ll be relieved to hear that George Osbourne doesn’t hand select the books with the most punitive regime, package them up and send them via UPS (he doesn’t use the Royal Mail, it’s inefficient) to each library. The librarian told me that it is simply the publishers who send their books out to a central library hub, who then pass them on. Chief librarians also request books that have come to their attention, that they feel their community might enjoy and members of the public can also request them.

It could be as simple as the fact that some of the more attachment/ gentle parenting books have lesser known publishers, and smaller marketing budgets, so don’t come to the attention of the library decision makers in the same way. After an enormous conversation with my local librarian about all of this it seems to me that WE can have an influence on making our library shelves more pro-child.

Five ways we can get more gentle parenting literature on our library shelves

Request them. Each library should have a “Stock request form” – this means that if they don’t have it in the borough they will seriously consider buying it in. My old library would ALWAYS buy the requested books, but my current one only promises to consider it. This is still quite a power we have, particularly if one or two people request the same book in the same borough, giving the request much more weight. Get a few of your parent chums together and chose a book to request, each using a separate form. Toddlercalm by Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a new one just out, and anything by Dr Sears, and if every library had Robin Grille’s Parenting for a Peaceful World the world would surely be more peaceful.

Borrow them. Once they have a few attachment and gentle parenting texts you should get them out! (Unless you have the syndrome that I have…) Use your library, support them not just because libraries are wonderful for you right now but because they are wonderful for the whole of society long term. Borrowing these books will show the library that they are desired, and it will make them more likely to buy in more of these books.

Review them and share them. If you have enjoyed a respectful/gentle/ attachment parenting book then shout about it. It is possible for us to rival the big marketing budgets of controversial Super Nanny book publishers, simply by doing online reviews through Amazon, tweeting, face booking and generally making a fuss about the books that we think will make society a more beautiful, peaceful place. This will bring these books to the attention of librarians and book stockists, giving the books much higher chance of getting read by more parents.

Move the others. Okaaaay, so the librarian didn’t EXACTLY suggest this one and this is quite an active kind of library activism. The librarian told me that the books that are often hired most are those that are displayed with their front cover facing out. If you want you could, when no one is looking, rearrange the displays with gentle parenting books being the most obvious. You could also, if you felt like it, take some of the harsh tomes and, if they seem to be massively over represented on the shelves… well, errr….HIDE THEM. Good luck finding the Extinction Method in my local, unless you are well into horse riding.

Send a letter A quick phone call to the Head of Library Services in your borough, or even to the library number on your library’s internetz page (not your branch) should give you the name of the Aquisition Librarian. It would be well worth emailing them, or writing them, copying in your MP, with your concerns and some of the suggestions for books you have. You should also, anonymously this time, write them a letter about all the reshelving you have been doing, just so the librarians don’t get the blame…

I’d love to hear from any librarians or publishers about how to get our library shelves reflecting society’s need for more gentle child nurturing literature…

PS For more parenting/ travelling / thrifty blogging follow through Facebook or Bloglovin or even just enter your email to get them pinged into your inbox. I don’t rant and rave THAT much…

Craftiness

Bumblebees and Boats- stitching on books

5 July, 2012

What CAN’T you do with a needle and thread?*

It can be therapy- like these prisoners who learnt to stitch their stories.

It can raise political consciousness and beautifully challenge social norms.

It has helped people find the meaning of life – like this jolly chap who went on a journey to find out about where his clothes came from and ended up trying to sew them all himself.

And then, at its most simple, it can just make ordinary things look pretty. . .

From that crafty wizz Martha Stewart

I love how needle and thread have replaced pencil.

From Paper Stitch (loads of beautiful art on there)

And I wanted to give it a go.

We have a few funny old books, this one above is from a 1950’s one called “Getting the most of of life” – really, it is just such a load of nonsense. But has a lot of words that evoke images.

If you look carefully you will notice there is poo in this vessel.

These two pages are from “A Treasury of Thought” a delightful book with excerpts from Shakespeare, indexed by subject. The one above is from the Ships entry and the one below from Bees. I know for some it is pretty much an Awful Thing to be treating books in this way, but I kind of feel you are giving them an extra kudos- letting pages see the light of day that might not otherwise.

They do only take a couple of minutes to do, but I know if I had a tiny dot more patience and took them a bit slower they could look LOADS better. Darn my laziness.

I did wing this one by Ramona to see if she could tell what they were though. “BUMBLE BEE” she yelled. *fist pump*

(Yeah, okay. Bumblebee is Ramona’s current fave word and is what she defaults to most of the time but still, a leetle bit recognisable, no?)

Joining in with this months Pinaddicts Challenge over at the luscious Love Bump – check out the other things I hope to make one day soon on my Pinterest Board.

PS- So remember that beautiful vintage magazine, Pretty Nostalgic, came to our house to take some pics? Well, the issue is out and you can catch a glance here. The whole thing is STUNNING!

Just a little confession though, our house is not normally that tidy. Not even close. My mum even came round the night before to help us clean up the piles of washing, the raisins scattered all over the floor, the crumbs and pop corn and garlic skins on the kitchen side, the toys in every corner. Just so you know. Also, just so you know, we don’t normally look quite that wild eyed and deranged, promise.

PPS- I just started a Facebook page, are you on there? I would actually really love it if you wanted to come and say hi, or even just like it, if you are a shy one.

*You can’t:

Eat with it, unless it is really fine spaghetti.

Use it to catch a ball, or put an energetic baby to sleep, or win an Olympic medal with it, or fly with it. Etc, etc.

Craftiness, Thrifty

Vintage handmade cards – cowboys, swallows and deers

12 April, 2012

When I was nine I sent an anonymous card to a girl in my class that I didn’t like much. It said “You and your family smell like egg.” Obviously I failed at the disguise-your-handwriting bit and they totally busted me and I had to miss Neighbours while I wrote her an apology letter.

My cards don’t tend to be so cruel these days. They are mostly non existent, which is a bit better, but still rubbish. If I am going to see someone on their birthday then they are lucky and get a nice hand crafted number. But out of sight, out of mind- well, in mind, but not in envelopes or hands which is really more important. This is a problem as half my family live in New Zealand so they are never in sight. However, this is the Year of Change and I have pledged to send a little summin’ on people’s special days.

To make this Actually Happen, and in most thrifty of ways, in a spare half an hour yesterday I cut up some of my vintage Twinkle kids books, placed the images onto some ancient sewing pattern (this is the BEST craft resource – if you don’t already have some sewing patterns, do pick some up in a charity shop for 20p. Great for all sorts) and sewed it onto card.

Well simple but the graphics are cute and retro enough to work mostly by themselves, I reckon. And the old sewing paper just adds an abstract element- those random lines and letters and numbers, and texture. As for the sewing, I only really do this because my sewing machine is so big I can’t lose it where as keeping track of Pritt stick is beyond me.

Cutie little deer, a bit twee, but wouldn’t you like him as a pet?

Love soldiers, hate war.

Got a thing for cowboys? ME TOO!! Check out my Cowboy and Indian jars.

Swallows make my heart sing. Nice poem too- but did you know they had Twitter in 1974? NEITHS!

Needless to say Ramona is in LOVE with this duck card.

Ah, retro adventures.

Got any good quick, thrifty card making tricks?

If you like the look of these kids book graphics – have a squizz at the other things I whipped up with them.

PS If you get any of these cards sent to you anonymously saying you smell like egg IT WASN’T ME.