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Parenting

How To Be A Gentle Parent

7 January, 2014

This is a weird old month for us- settling into a new country and trying to get a new website off the ground (Wonderthrift.com – do have a look!) I’m thankful that some of my ABSOLUTE favourite parenting authors and bloggers will be helping me out over the next few weeks, continuing the How To Be A _______ Parent series.

First up with this second round is Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author of the wonderful Babycalm and Toddlercalm books. Here Sarah gives a beautifully honest and nuanced perspective on gentle parenting.

When Lucy gave me the title of this guest post my first thought was “easy peasy, I should get that written in an hour tops”, but I have to confess, three days in and I’m still pretty stumped. It should be easy right? Especially as she gave me the option of writing a bullet point list, but something is stopping me, it’s hard! (then again isn’t everything in parenting?)

I keep coming back to the idea that ‘being a gentle parent’ is just something that you inherently are. The clue is in the title “how to BE a gentle parent”, not “how to DO gentle parenting”….and I think this is the cause of my difficulty, how to write an article giving advice to people to change who they are? That’s not so easy!

Then again, as soon as I get engrossed in this thought I keep coming back to the good old ‘nature V nurture’ debate. If gentle parenting is all about the being rather than the doing, then nurture theory tells us we can and do change as a result of our environment. Perhaps the key to gentle parenting therefore lies in our own childhoods, in the way that we ourselves we raised, but if we were not raised in a wholly gentle fashion does that mean we cannot break the mould with our own children? I don’t think so.

I do think that perhaps the hardest thing about parenting isn’t the arduous physical demands – the sleepless nights and the like, it’s about coming to terms with our own upbringings and realising that we need to work on fixing our own internal problems before we can even begin to think about working on those of our children (because all too often issues with our child’s behaviour are rooted in our own). Navel gazing is a necessity for all parents in my opinion and if you allow it to, the experience of parenting can be the start of an intensely important, enlightening and often painful period of personal growth. I think this is where ‘being’ a gentle parent kicks in.

It starts with us, the parents, and who we are – it’s not about a set of rules or guidelines to follow or things to ‘do’. I think that’s why I have had so much trouble writing this article, nevertheless here are some points I feel are important:
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1. Recognise that in order to be the best parent you can be to your child you need to think about your own childhood. This might take the form of realising how privileged you were and realising how amazing your own parents are and how much you owe to them, or it could take the form of realising that you were treated anything but gently and recognising the importance of not subconsciously using the same techniques on your own children that were used on you. Often it will involve having to forgive your parents and sometimes yourself too.

2. Making a pact with the guilt monster. All parents feel guilty, about pretty much everything, it’s an inherent part of being a parent, but it’s so important that you don’t be so consumed by guilt that you close your mind to information that may make you hurt. What you did three years ago, a month ago – or yesterday – is in the past, leave it there and forgive yourself. When you know better you do better, if you didn’t have the information you have today how could you have done differently? Don’t let your guilt blinker you to learning and growing and ‘doing better’ for your child.

3. Growing up. I’m not really sure how to phrase this point, I know what I mean but I’m not so sure it’s going to come out in the inoffensive manner I mean it to. Making the momentous decision to bring a new life into this world is a big deal. It *will* change things (everything) and you won’t be able to hang onto your old life, not all of it anyway. For me one of the biggest crux’s of gentle parenting is about losing the selfish parts of our personality, life isn’t just about you any more, it’s about a delicate dance of balancing your needs to cope and the needs of your child.

4. Following on from this point is the really crucial idea of mind-mindedness, or in less psycho babble jargon – empathy. Trying to understand how your child feels whenever possible. It’s hard sometimes – boy is it hard, but if you can try to imagine how your screaming baby/tantruming toddler/stroppy teenager feels, everything is easier and your actions will be very different. Quite simply if you treat your children how you would like to be treated in the same position you’ve pretty much got gentle parenting nailed.

5. What do you need to be able to do all of this? Support and nurturing yourself. If you’re struggling to do this all alone and you’re all wrung out, however do you expect to ‘be there’ for someone else? This is the biggest problem with our society today, parenting is so fragmented from the support network we’re supposed to do it in! If you don’t have that lifeline no amount of babywearing, breastfeeding, bedsharing or AP books are going to help, in actual fact – these props (none of which are necessary for gentle parenting in my opinion) might very well contribute to point number 2. the all consuming guilt, if you don’t have support in place. I might have put this last but it is at least as important as my first point if not more-so!

So, there you go – no special recipe or “5 step plan to gentle parenting” to follow, I don’t even really think there is such a thing as “a gentle parent” really, we’re all just people doing the best we can to muddle through and trying to inflict the least amount of damage possible onto our kids!

Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a mother to four, a parenting author and co-founder of GentleParenting UK. A new gentle parenting website launching in Spring 2014 on www.gentleparenting.co.uk – until their launch you can find them on Facebook and on Twitter.
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Parenting

How to be an Eco Parent

2 October, 2013

Third in the How to be a _____ Parent series, is Kat from the beautiful and inspiring blog, Eco Empire. Let her inspire you with her tips for nurturing a nature loving family….

I didn’t suddenly decide to become an eco-parent – it just made sense to take care of the environment our children are inheriting. My belief is that even the little things can make a big difference so I try to encourage people to start small but dream big. I started small by looking at the products I was bringing into my home and then I started to dream big – like being self-sustaining with chickens and fruit trees and maybe even bees!

One of the strangest misconceptions about being an eco-parent would be that we make things harder for ourselves. I’ve actually had someone tell me “yeah but I just can’t be bothered recycling” (I thought they were joking, but sadly they weren’t). What you need to know is that being eco conscious does not mean compromising on the good stuff, it just means making informed decisions. I rarely do anything without stopping and thinking how it may affect the environment. The good news is by being eco conscious you often make decisions that are not only better for the environment but better for your family’s health, wellness and bank balance!
how to be an eco parent
Some simple rules to live by:
• Always consider an item’s origins. Whether it be the clothes your kids wear, or the fruit they’re eating – think about where it was made, how it was made, how far it’s come. I try to buy local and ethical products.
• Always read the label. Whether it be that jar of sauce or your laundry liquid, get to know what’s good and what’s bad and be warned about deceptive labelling making out a product is organic or eco-friendly (when it’s not). It’s amazing what kind of toxic and unhealthy ingredients are in well-known products. These are not just bad for the environment, but unhealthy for your family too!
• Ask ‘what are my options’? Don’t just assume that you HAVE to buy or do something. There are always more environmentally friendly options out there. If you’re ever unsure just Google ‘eco-friendly _____’ – there are so many wonderful resources out there for you to find.
• Start small. Don’t overwhelm yourself all at once. Perhaps try to do one new eco thing a week or even month. I’m still learning and growing.

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Here are ten of the easiest eco things I’ve done as a parent that you can do too.

1. Buy second-hand. Kids’ needs grow quickly, so buying everything brand new is often unnecessary and expensive. I buy boxes of second-hand clothes and toys from the local online classifieds or Ebay. Markets and Op Shops are a great place to go too. Most of the things I’ve bought look near new! The kids certainly don’t care that it’s second-hand.
2. Use natural products. Whilst you might eat naturally (wholesome food with no artificial or toxic ingredients) people often forget about what goes on (or makes contact with) their skin – such as bath soap, laundry liquid, kitchen spray and wipe, even medicine. There are so many toxic products that not only damage our ecosystem, but aren’t good for your health either! If you can’t afford to buy eco products, you can possibly make them for next to nothing.
3. Grow your own. Grow fruit, vegetables and if you’re lucky get your own chickens. It’s a great way to ensure you are eating organically and it’s such a great activity to do with the kids and teach them where food comes from. My son is a big fan of picking mint leaves and chewing on them as a snack!
4. Visit the local farmers’ market every weekend as a family ritual. Especially if you can’t grow your own food, you can buy them from local farmers. The markets usually sell fruit, vegetables, meat, eggs as well as breads, plants and homemade jams and preserves. It’s really a great way to do some food shopping disguised as a great family outing!
5. Begin a love affair with nature. It won’t be hard to convince most kids to enjoy the outdoors, in fact as a newborn my son was often only consoled by going outside (I’m talking the instant we walked outside he would stop crying). By teaching them to be kind to animals and respect nature they will become natural mini eco warriors and nature will become their playground. My son can play in our yard for hours with little to no toys.
6. Join a toy library. Usually not-for-profit organisations run by local parents, they offer annual memberships which let you borrow toys (much like a book library) for a set number of weeks. By the time my son is sick of a toy it’s time to return it for something new!
7. Use cloth nappies. Disposable nappies are an environmental disaster taking decades to break down in landfill. There is a big misconception that cloth nappies are hard work, but they’re not! I personally wash (and by wash, I mean put them in a washing machine) my nappies daily so it’s just part of my daily routine and that way it only takes maybe 15 minutes out of my day. That’s not a lot when it means saving thousands of nappies from heading to landfill (not to mention saving you lots of money).
8. DIY and homemade. From recipes to toys, before you buy think about whether you could make it instead. One of my son’s favourite toys as a young baby was a fabric ‘book’ I put together from fabric scraps. He also goes crazy for my homemade dehydrator raw crackers – and the best part is I know exactly what’s in them.
9. Create new traditions. Holidays such as Christmas and Easter (also Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and even birthdays) has turned into a consumerist, commercialised nightmare. I’ve watched kids get absolutely spoiled with gifts only to be happier playing with an empty cardboard box. Come up with new traditions for your family – I’ve always loved the “Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read” gift giving philosophy, and for holidays like Easter simply making chocolate Easter eggs together is an affordable fun family activity.
10. Read. I’ve borrowed books from the library and even bought a few, but there is SO much great inspiration and information on the internet. I follow a pile of great blogs written by people, just like me, learning and sharing how they live their lives in a sustainable and eco conscious way. Pinterest is another great resource for ideas. Expand your knowledge!
As a mother I feel like I have been given the most important job in the world. Everything I say and do could shape the person he will become! Talk about pressure! But I think teaching him how to love and care for the environment automatically provides a fun and imaginative childhood, implanting amazing moral and ethical values for life. I think if people aren’t already convinced to ‘go green’ before having kids, holding a newborn baby in your arms and knowing that you’re daily living has an impact on that tiny baby’s future, can be the light bulb moment!

Parenting

How to be an Expat Parent

24 September, 2013

In the second of the series, How to be a _____ Parent we have the wonderful Emma of a Bavarian Sojourn giving some advice for those contemplating a family move. *gnashes teeth* Yep, I’ll be needing these in a few months!

This is by no means an exhaustive list. You don’t have the time to read one, and I don’t think I could write one if I tried, as I am still learning new things, even after four years as an Expat! This list is however aimed at those who have just undertaken their first move, or are seriously considering it – but if you are doing neither, it might give you some idea of what it is like. Enjoy!

  • Patience. Something you absolutely must have as an Expat parent. You will find yourself calling upon it almost every day!;
  • Research each new destination thoroughly. This will not only give you a good insight into a place, but will help you settle in faster as a family;
  • Take as much time as you need to make decisions about important things such as housing and schools. Don’t be forced into signing something by pushy estate agents, relocation consultants and the like. If something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t.
  • Help prepare your child for a new country with stories, films and books. We love Miroslav Sasek’s “This Is” Series. Whilst Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and the Sound of Music might not actually be factual, they gave our children some idea of what the countryside looks like in this part of the world at least!!
  • Bear in mind that the first few weeks of your new life will be taken up with hideously frustrating bureaucracy. It will soon be a distant memory, don’t worry.
  • Do expect strange but lovely gifts from your new neighbours. We were given bread and salt when we first arrived here – a traditional Bavarian house warming present – particularly welcome as we hadn’t then found the bakers!
  • If you are not on a work Expat contract, but are there for the long term, look at local schools as a good alternative to the International variety. Your children will be fluent in the local lingo in a matter of months (and this will help you no end!)!
  • Keep an open mind with everything. You will experience cultural misunderstandings from time to time, but don’t immediately assume that it is intentional (something I have to remind myself often!)…
  • Expect that things will be different to what you are used to, and you won’t go far wrong. Things might make more sense the way they are done at home, but you are not at home.
  • Expect the unexpected. From odd and often unnecessary doctor’s appointments that arrive in the post, to strange cultural playground rituals. It’s all part of the fun!!
  • Don’t imagine that Expat Parenting is not competitive, it is. From how many languages your children can speak, to the contents of their lunch boxes. You would be amazed!
  • Enjoy meeting people from thousands of different countries and backgrounds. Don’t just stick to Expat circles either, it can take more time to get to know the locals by attending local functions and events, but it’s worth it. Get to know your neighbours too, even if you can only communicate via sign language at first!
  • Prepare your children for how different basic things like birthday parties can be. Not every country celebrates with cakes or offers party bags for example! Likewise, if it’s your child’s party, don’t imagine anyone will know what on earth you are talking about when you suggest Pin the Tail on the Donkey or Musical Statues.how to be an expat parent
  • You will experience eye opening situations such as lit candles on classroom tables, School trips in almost -20 conditions, and forest schools in the snow. Things that could possibly make tabloid headlines at home – embrace the differences!
  • In the same vein, get used to super relaxed (or almost non existent – to us anyway) health and safety rules. This might sound slightly worrying, but it’s usually more refreshing than anything, and I am holding out hope that one day my children will thank me for their more free range childhoods!
  • Learn the language together. I don’t usually advocate watching TV, but it helps more than you think it could, and speaking the language will help you feel like less of an outsider.
  • Join online groups for your area, always helpful when looking for recommendations for doctors, dentists and the like.
  • Install Skype, What’s App and anything else that helps you keep in touch with home. And get the guest room ready quickly, you will be using it a lot!
  • But perhaps most important of all – enjoy yourselves! Start a blog, take thousands of pictures and experience absolutely everything you possibly can – for who knows these days how long such an experience might last? And on the days that you find things tough, remember that it’s more than likely than not that one day you will look back on it and laugh… Promise!
Cosleeping

Why I will continue to cosleep

22 May, 2013

I hadn’t been online all day, so it was snuggled in bed with my 4 week old baby nestled in the crook of my arm where I read the headlines on my phone “Sudden infant death greater when parents share beds with babies” – and this one from the Guardian, that balanced, unsensationalist, altogether superior news outlet (spoken like a true biased liberal, HA.)

I read the report with what must have been an expression on my face much like the one that appears when people tell me they don’t have Twitter accounts – somewhere between incredulity and fear.

Could it be true? Despite years of rubbish data and myth peddling around cosleeping, have they finally proven something that means I must stop this beautiful parenting practice?

I love cosleeping with my little ones. My two and a half year old, Ramona, is still in the bed with us mostly and I am once again delighting in the joys of sharing sleep with my tiny (okay, actually comically MASSIVE) newborn, Juno.

Cosleeping is a continuation of our daytime parenting philosophy; until they are several months old they will be rarely out of our arms – let alone sight. And, as psychologists and neuroscientists have suggested could happen, this initial closeness has developed a fierce independence and daring confidence in my toddler.  Rather than night time and those frequent night feeds being dreaded I look forward to it, knowing that I am likely to get a steady ten hours where I am barely disturbed because even at 4 weeks old Juno can latch on without either of us stirring much. (I’m not the only one who loves this element- even SCIENCE loves the way cosleeping aids breastfeeding; a wonderful relationship has been established by researchers between the two, and it has been shown that breastfeeding lowers the chances of SIDS.)

Once or twice in the last few weeks I have risen to the surface to discover Juno’s breathing doing something a little bit peculiar, just for a few moments, and have been able to listen in to it settling back down again- almost as if there is a subconscious thread that connects her rhythms to mine. When she snuffles about I can restore her peace with a gentle hand on her belly or a badger mamma-like nuzzle into her cheek with my nose. (I can see myself like a badger; lopingly calm until crossed and wearing edgy monochrome.)

As my older daughter has grown cosleeping has continued to hold benefits – allowing a sleepful connection and passing of love between us even when I was often doing long days at work without her close by. I’m sure it has made the transition of a New Kid On the Block much smoother for her too. (It also provides a few jolly chuckles, like the time Ramona played hide and seek with her legs in her sleep.)
Why I will continue cosleeping

I love cosleeping; it has helped my parenting in both a touchy-feely emotional way and a very practical way too. Yet as I read the news last night I wondered if I would have to let it go for the safety of my babies. Should I turn against this deep instinct of mine – an instinct that parents have felt for thousands of years?

Fortunately, as the words from the newspapers flew like darts into my brain other facts, reports and stats swam amongst them- from books and blogs and articles I have enjoyed over the last few years. How can one new bit of research make all of that redundant? This niggle caused me to delve a bit deeper (erm, search Twitter) and I found that – OF COURSE- it doesn’t. In actual fact, the “new” bit of research isn’t new at all, but a regurgiation of old data – data that was initially flawed and now even more so as it has been shoe horned in to a prove an unprovable hypothesis.

As the British Medical Journal hit publish on this cosleeping research by a fellow called Carpenter a host of other scientists, professors and sleep experts from across the globe rushed to hit publish on their own analysis- analysis that deeply calls into question both the methodology and the conclusions of the Carpenter study.

*Serious face* I do have a BA and an Msc in Social Policy, so can get my head around statistics and research methodology and the making of health policy but I’m not going to do my own analysis because, hello; YAWN!! *serious face vanishes* Just kidding, it is because it is all there, already ready to read.

Please see below for the 5 MUST-READS in response to the Carpenter study and the propaganda (YES, propoganda why, why, WHY is there this crazy bias against cosleeping?) that has been produced in the last 24 hours.

But one thing I must add that I don’t think can be said enough. There is a GARGANTUAN difference between intentional and accidental cosleeping and this hasn’t been differentiated between at all in any of the studies used. 50% of parents cosleep at some points but the majority of these doing it in an impromptu manner, as mother and baby fall asleep together during a night nurse. This MUST NOT COUNT as cosleeping in these studies!

People who choose to cosleep take into account their bedding, their night wear, baby’s night wear, room temperature, presence of pillows, the presence – and state- of other people in the bed and baby’s position. All of these things can produce extra risk for baby’s in the parent’s bed so if people have planned and prepared for cosleeping these factors are more often than not taken into account and eliminated. Very much unlike accidental cosleepers.

Not only does this hugely skew nearly every study done, but it also poses a problem for generating policy on cosleeping. Calling for a ban on cosleeping stops any dialogue about all those factors above and makes unintentional cosleeping much more likely to happen.

Cosleepers with intention: YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.

Read on for full assurance…

Psychology Today, SIDS Risks and Realities – a comprehensive rebuttal of the Carpenter study by other academics
“…it is not possible to determine that one variable, such as bedsharing itself is inherently responsible for risk remaining in this study.”

Peter Blair’s Peer Review Before items get any steam behind them they must be peer reviewed – this study was reviewed and found to be good by a few academics (all of which have published anti-bedsharing stuff before) apart from one, Peter Blair, a leading SIDS epidemiologist who writes this scathing and damming review – it is a download but an absolute must!
“The primary focus of this paper, stated in the article summary, is to answer the question “Is there a risk of SIDS due to bed sharing when baby is breast fed, the parents do not smoke and the mother does not use alcohol or illegal drugs?” This question cannot be addressed when only two of the five studies collected data on maternal alcohol consumption, none of them collected data on the use of illegal drugs prior to bed sharing and the question is confined to one cosleeping parent when there are often two.”

Another damming critique, this time from ISIS (Infant Sleep Information Source) – it is a download
“… it is important to be aware that the data upon which these analyses are based are now 15-26 years old (although referred to as ‘recent’), and have been compiled ad hocfrom a heterogeneous collection of studies performed in different countries at different time points, using different methods and definitions for data collection (i.e. it is based upon data that are neither comprehensive nor systematic). It can therefore provide only weak evidence for informing public health policy, and parental infant care behaviour in 2013”

The war on bedsharing- academic and parenting author, Uncommon John
“Discombobulated, perhaps, by recent evidence that has clarified that the risks of bedsharing are limited , and that breastfeeding protects against SIDS (a finding which some SIDS researchers have never wanted to accept) several authors teamed up to to rehash and respin some of their old data, much of which uses poor, outdated definitions of things like co-sleeping and breastfeeding.

Unicef Statement – calling into question the methodology used
“The impression from the press release is that infants in the general population are at a 5-fold risk of SIDS when the parents bed-share and don’t smoke, which is untrue. The risk is considerably smaller than 2.7 and might not even be significant. Considering these findings, it is surprising that the authors have focused on the risk among non-smoking, non-drinking bed-sharing mothers, when there are groups at far higher risk.”

Bedsharing and SIDS- Why we have it all wrong by Sarah Ockwell Smith – a helpful list of the variables not included in the study and a great comparison to driving cars!
“…the Carpenter research has many flaws, aside from the damaging call to action they propose they have just missed far too many variables for the research to be considered of any use to society.”

Bedsharing by Analytical Armidillo – not only does it discuss the dangers of a blanket ban but discusses all the research proving safe cosleeping is actually HEALTHIER for babies!
“So here we have internationally recognised doctors … stating actually co-sleeping may be protective against SIDS.”

NCT statement
“NCT does not support a universal instruction not to bed share as it could lead to an increased likelihood that a parent or carer inadvertently falls asleep while holding the baby, in a chair or on a sofa, which is much less safe for the infant.”

If only our media were better at finding this stuff and giving us balanced reporting (GOSH,  I’m just a blogger tapping away on a laptop with a newborn strapped to my front and a toddler trying to put her Thomas the Tank Engine down my pants and I can manage it! Pull your finger out, Guardian et al.)

HAPPY COSLEEPING EVERYONE!

PS Have you found any cosleeping must-reads? Do share!

PPS I’d hate for you to miss a post… enter your email to get them pinged into your inbox. I won’t be spamalot, promise!


Attachment parenting, Parenting

You are the expert in the topic of your children

24 June, 2012

We have just come through a week of pretty angsty bed times. Some nights Ramona took a whole 1.5 hours to get to sleep. Even though we are just reading, nursing, singing and I should be able to think wonderful pleasant thoughts about spending all that extra time with my tiny delight, I don’t. I just get a bit annoyed inside, dreaming of being able to go downstairs and read without having a full-of-life  toddler flickering about around me.

And then, as quickly as the Bedtimes of Terror period began, it stopped. It stopped because I began trusting myself again.

You see, a week ago I read on a blog that I had been lurking on a bit (a blog that really resonated with me about lots of mothering practice) about children’s sleep. Sleep is always the thing that makes me a jittery mother – when Ramona was a baby I spent hours a week, it seemed, googling topics to make sure she was getting enough (or not too much!) After many months we settled into a pattern I was comfortable with and I stopped my obsession. Then I read a bit on that there blog about how crucial toddler sleep is, and how tots MUST go to bed before 7pm.  I was a bit stunned. 7pm? So certain? Just like that?  But she mentioned “circadian rhythm” with real conviction- I don’t know what this is but it seemed to be about syncing with the earth, which, y’know,  I am all for.

Now, Ramona tends to go to sleep between 8 and 9, unless she is sleepy earlier. What a TERRIBLE MOTHER! That night I vowed to give her the opportunity to sleep at 7pm. It didn’t go down too well with her but still, for the following 6 nights I tried every trick in The Book to convince her that 7pm was the right, circadian time for her to go to bed.

Every evening after she finally nodded off I’d come down, Battle Weary (a loving, cuddly one but a wrestle of wills all the same) and annoyed at having frittered so much time away upstairs.

It took six days for me to regain trust in my parenting. Six days for me to realise that the sleep pattern we had woven for ourselves was the right one, despite what other mothers do and the experts say.  Six days to sod the Circadian shizzle.

See, when it comes to Ramona, no-one is more expert than me.

And when it comes to your child, you are the know-it-all; the person most in tune with his rhythms, the detector of her subtle signs, his soul-whisperer.

Childhood charts and sleep guidelines and “Musts” and “Ten Signs of” may be helpful for some – I am sure. But for others of us they undermine what we have come to understand of ourselves, our children, and our ways. When I read that Ramona is just under the “normal amount of sleep for an 18 m old” I am wracked with guilt, especially when it is followed up with facts about how vital sleep is for development. But then I take a moment to look at my daughter and see her joy, her exuberance, her calm, her growth and  I feel okay about it all again.
When I trust that she will sleep when she needs it and eat when she is hungry, our lives have a certain flow and a tangible ease.  (My role is to provide the right conditions for these things to happen, of course,  but I need to trust her to take the bite or rest her head.)   I also need to trust myself as a mother, trust my intuition and my instincts and trust my ability to interpret my daughter and muddle through our own path.

Sometimes when I read the stories and tips and facts about others I find all of this trust just eroding a little bit. If you are like me in this, I just want to say it again:

You and your child are the best experts in all of this. You are the same flesh and blood, and your hearts beat to the same rhythm. Embrace the fluidity of your lives – don’t hide it or be ashamed- too soon they will have boring meetings to arrive promptly at and all the Schedules of Adulthood.  Feel the freedom of knowing trust in each other, to be guided by each other. Not a soul on earth knows  or loves your child more than you. And that is just how you roll.

Right, this is me using all of my blogger’s monthly entitlement for cheeseball posts.  Please forgive me, I was just really feeling this today.